I'm Not Good Enough
by BrittSmiles4BTR
Summary: <html><head></head>Carlos Garcia. Everyone thinks he's just the gullible, naïve, innocent, little butterball of the group. Sure, he may but on a cute and lovable facade, but is that all it is? A facade? What's really going on on the inside? Dedicated to Anonymous Skrtle, BigTimeRush-BTR, winterschild11 and ButterYUM!</html>
1. Chapter 1

**Here it is, the story I've been dying to publish since I finished ****_They Won't Understand_****! ****Hi guys, BrittSmiles4BTR here and I am so excited to show you my latest story!**

**However, before I get into it, I just have something to tell you.**

**This story is dedicated to Anonymous Skrtle, ButterYUM, BigTimeRush-BTR and winterschild11! When I was new to all this, they basically took me under their wings and guided me through everything! They would give me pointers and advice and help me when I was uncertain of myself. They had complete faith in me, even when I was doubting myself. And they still are to this day! Thank you, and I hope you enjoy this story as much as I enjoyed writing it! :)**

**The ideas have been stuck in my brain for ages until I just had to write them down. So I give you, Chapter One! Enjoy!**

Chapter One

Not Cutting It

Carlos was struggling.

Mr. X had oh-so graciously agreed to help choreograph for the concerts. He was in the middle of teaching them the new dance steps for _If I Ruled the World._ Well, it was more like _trying_. It was kind of hard to teach a dance when you keep having to go back and explain things. Carlos just wasn't picking up the way he was supposed to.

Dancing normally came relatively easy to him; finding the rhythm to songs and putting his all into everything he tried was just something that came naturally to him. But for whatever the reason, today it just wasn't sticking. He couldn't stop tripping over everyone else's feet,- let alone his own- he kept turning into walls and other people, and he was just plain clumsier than everyone else.

The eyes were beginning to bore into the side of his head; he didn't even have to look to know that James, Kendall and Logan were starting to stare. If it weren't already obvious everyone- especially Carlos- was starting to feel a little bit concerned.

He wanted to tell his friends not to worry and that everything was fine, but he knew better than to believe that. Unfortunately, he wasn't just messing up the dances; he'd been messing up left and right. He screwed up his solo part- his only solo part- during Superstar not once but, six times! Not only that, but Gustavo had scolded him on multiple occasions for singing too flat or off-key or just plain too cheery!

The poor boy was being extra hard on himself, reprimanding himself even more than he normally did. His confidence was really starting to be affected.

But alas, this slump that Carlos seemed to have slipped into couldn't have started at a worse time. They were only choreographing for the _biggest_ concerts of their lives; the kickstart to their second tour. So the truth was, Carlos simply didn't have the time to be screwing up. With the new tour only a week away, and the fact that they were leaving for their first destination in _one_ week, Gustavo wanted sharper moves and stronger voices; Gustavo was striving for _perfection_. The last thing any of them needed was Carlos messing up.

Carlos didn't know if it was just the pressure of having a concert, or just the pressures of Hollywood in general. He knew for certain that he wasn't sick, so he couldn't even blame it on an oncoming cold of some sorts. Maybe the long hours at the studio and school were starting to take their toll on the poor boy. He wasn't even sure himself; what he _did_ know was that if he didn't snap himself out of it soon, they were going to have some problems come said concert.

_Down Right. Down Left- or is it Down _Left,_ Down _Right? Carlos groaned, running his fingers through his short, spiky hair. _What is wrong with me, today?_

Carlos took in a deep breath, trying to calm himself. _Calm down, Carlos; let's just try this again._ For the first time that day, Carlos was nailing it... up until he got to the part where he had to step out. He accidentally went to step out the _other_ way and crashed right into to Kendall, knocking the taller boy clear off his feet.

"_Ow!_" Kendall groaned from his awkward position on the floor. He flipped the hair had fallen in front of his eyes out of his eyes and scowled at Carlos; who was looking quite sheepish. "Carlos!"

"Sorry, Kendall." he mumbled, holding out his hand for the fallen boy to take.

Kendall accepted the outstretched hand without thinking twice, allowing himself to be hoisted back to his feet. "Thanks!" Kendall smiled down at him, brushing the dirt from his shoulders.

"From the top!" Mr. X exclaimed, starting the track over and hitting the play over. "Five, six, seven, eight!" Carlos didn't fail to mess up the dance again, this time smacking Logan in the face when they were waving. Mr. X quickly stopped the music again before he could do any further damage. "Carlos! That was _X-cruciating_!" Mr. X proclaimed, crossing his arms in the shape of an 'X'. Then he stormed out, muttering a string of curse words that started with 'x'.

Carlos groaned; not only had he managed to drive off their choreographer, but he now his horrible dancing was getting people hurt. Carlos didn't know how much of this he could take, and he was one hundred percent certain that he wouldn't have been able to take Gustavo screaming at him. He quickly excused himself to the break room before anyone could have the chance.

Once he was there, he closed the door behind him, plopped down on the couch and put his head in his hands. He quickly became lost in his own world of thought. Carlos couldn't understand what was happening to him; he was totally making a mess out of _everything_; if things continued on like they were, he feared that the boys would replace him; or at least Gustavo would. If Griffin could see how badly he was performing, he would have been fired in a heartbeat.

His thoughts were interrupted when a gentle hand touched his shoulder. He peeked through his fingers and nearly melted at the sight of his three best friends; he didn't even hear them come in! He honestly couldn't believe that they were willingly coming near him; as far as Carlos was concerned, he was a jinx, and they should have been infuriated with him.

Carlos sighed. "Not now, guys." he mumbled, closing his fingers and his eyes. He knew what was coming; they were getting ready to interrogate him, get to the bottom of what was going on.

Logan let out a sigh of his own, holding out a water bottle to his distressed friend. "Here," Carlos looked up again, having not seen what Logan was offering with his hands covering his eyes. He slowly accepted it, but didn't dare to drink it; he just held it in his hands.

"Thanks."

Logan exchanged looks with the taller boys before sitting down beside Carlos. He quickly draped an arm around Carlos' shoulders when he refused to meet his eyes. "Come on, buddy. You got to keep hydrated."

Carlos looked up, noticing that Logan was going into his doctor mode. Did he really look dehydrated to them? When he thought about it, he noticed that he hadn't had a single drink of water all day. _Ok, maybe a sip,_ he thought; he wouldn't be any good to anyone passed out. Carlos thought as he unscrewed the lid, guzzling down a few sips. He sighed as the nice cool water hit his throat. "A-Am I in trouble?" Carlos asked as the water replenished his body.

Logan looked puzzled. "No. Of course not, buddy! Why would you think that?"

Carlos almost deadpanned. "Are you kidding? I've been messing up _everything_! There hasn't been a single thing that we've done that I didn't mess up! I screwed up my own solo, then I messed up the whole dance, I made Mr. X quit, and-?"

Logan cut him off, shaking him wildly to stop Carlos in his rant. He continued when he was positive Carlos was listening. "Carlos, buddy, those are just mistakes!" Carlos didn't even notice that he was crying until he felt Logan's hand disappearing from his shoulder and thumbing the moist area of his face. "_Everybody_ makes mistakes sometimes! I mean, have you seen _my_ dancing? If anyone is messing up, it's _me_; I can't dance to save my life!"

Kendall nodded in agreement. "Me neither!"

Carlos blushed; he knew that his friends were only saying that to make him feel better because they were all pretty good dancers. But he didn't care; he was just happy that they weren't mad at him.

"And you're not the only one who messed up a solo! Remember when we were singing _I Won't Give Up _the other day?" James added in, smiling at the memory of his own blunder. Seeing James smile and knowing that he wasn't still beating himself up made Carlos feel a little better.

A tiny, ghost of a smile appeared on his face, and he tried his hardest to suppress it, but he couldn't help it. Logan nudged him playfully. "Yeah, you do remember it!" Logan chuckled, prodding their youngest brother in the stomach in hopes to get him to laugh- which it did. "So don't sweat it; it's _not_ the end of the world that you're messing up because _everyone_ is!"

James pulled his mirror, comically out of nowhere. "James and I totally agree!" Carlos laughed wholeheartedly; he couldn't help it, James was acting so silly!

"Everyone has off days, buddy! But we still love you; you could be the worst dancer, singer in the world and we wouldn't love you any less!" Kendall grinned, his voice sounding certain and sincere.

Carlos beamed, tears pricking in his eyes as he stared back at his friends. He was truly touched by just how much they cared; he was almost feeling that this was the perfect opportune moment for a hug, or a high-five. As if on cue, Kendall and James wrapped their arms around them, embracing the smaller boys in a much needed group hug.

Carlos buried his head in the shoulder closest to his, smiling as the tears rolled down his face and soaking the soft fabric against his cheek. "Thanks guys!" Carlos knew for a fact that he couldn't have asked for better friends.

And for a brief second, the world was right again...

Just as the warmth was returning back to his chest, he felt the ground beneath him shake beneath his feet and before they could react Gustavo burst through the door, Kelly following closely behind.

They each retracted from the hug as Gustavo started to yell. "_Dogs_! In one week, we will be on a plane to _London_! We have our going away concert in five days! We will not have _time_ to be going over dances that we should have had down _months ago_! Get get your acts together and get this right or I will destroy _all of you_!"

Carlos hung his head, the feeling of sadness ebbing it's way back into his heart. He knew that the majority of the rant was directed at him.

"And _you_!" Gustavo continued darkly. "That was the worst dancing I've ever seen _in my life_!" Carlos felt indignant, extending his lower lip in a pout; he knew he wasn't dancing his best, but he didn't think he deserved to be tormented for it. "Aw, but don't feel too bad..." Gustavo continued in a cruel voice, feigning kindness. Carlos' expression brightened as he stared up at the man with a hopeful expression. "Lots of people don't have talent."

Carlos' face dropped, his eyebrows furrowing in sadness as his eyes met the ground again. This time, Kelly nudged him in the back. "Gustavo!" She muttered in a warning tone, but he _still_ didn't stop.

"In fact, you should go reunite with them; they're all back in Minnesota where I should have left _you_!"

The words stung like a bee's sting in Carlos' flesh and even though the boy was allergic to bees, at that moment, he would have much rather had a bee sting than to listen to the harsh words being thrown at him. Carlos hoped more than anything that he was having a bad dream, but he knew that it wasn't. Logan noticed Carlos stiffen beside him and instinctively wrapped an arm around his younger friend's shoulders, rubbing his bicep in what he hoped was a reassuring gesture. "Gustavo, lay off him! He's trying his best!"

Gustavo pretended to be surprised. "Oh, I didn't notice! I was too busy watching him screw up _everything_!"

In Carlos' own mind, Gustavo's voice began to fade. He was trying his hardest to block out any sound, even though he knew that Gustavo was probably _still_ insulting him. Gustavo's booming voice became nothing more than a big roaring in his ear, which he was grateful for- at least then, he'd be able to hear himself think.

As he continued to cower behind Logan, he couldn't help but realize that everything Gustavo was saying was true to a certain extent. He was the only messing up the dances and solos. He was the screw up of the group. If the world tour were to end in disaster, he would have no one to blame but himself. Every group had a screw up; he was just too busy having fun to realize it.

_Who am I trying to kid? Did I really think I could pull this off? Am I really _that_ stupid?_

"And furthermore-?"

"You know what?" Carlos had zoned back in just in time to cut Gustavo of mid rant. Everyone's eyes were on him, all though most of them were wide due to his sudden outburst. He looked around the room, signing deeply as he placed his hands on his knees. "I'm done." He could barely believe the words that were coming out of his mouth. He did't even know what he was thinking when he said them; they just slipped out of his mouth before he could catch them. He knew there was no taking them back. "I'm going home." He shrugged Logan's hands off him, and heaved himself from the couch and on his feet. He stalked out of the break room without another word, ignoring them when they called after him, begging him to stop. He didn't stop, though; he didn't plan on doing so any time soon.

"Good, maybe tomorrow you can come back with some talent!" He heard Gustavo add snidely from the door. Carlos shook it off; Gustavo wasn't worth it.

He took off in a sprint when he heard footsteps followed after him.

He didn't want to talk to anyone, or hear what anyone else had to say at the moment. He swiped a hand across his face when the tears stung in his eyes. He wasn't going to cry over this. He shoved the door open and hopped down the stairs, heading right for home.

"Carlos!" Kelly yelled, hurrying down the steps after him. "Come back; you know he didn't mean it! He's just stressed out about the concert and he takes it on you guys!"

Carlos didn't dare to turn around, he just kept walking while Kelly was struggling to keep up. "No, he's finally realizing that I'm nothing but a screw up!"

"Carlos, don't say that about yourself!"

"Why not? Everyone already thinks so! I can't sing, I can't dance- I can't even make a cup of coffee without flooding a room!" Kelly grimaced sympathetically; she didn't even know that Carlos was _still_ beating himself up over that, after all it _was_ an honest mistake.

"Carlos..." Kelly trailed off, unable to find the right words to say.

"Just forget it, alright?" Carlos muttered, and started walking back to the Palmwoods. He didn't exactly know what he was going to do when he got there, but he did know that he couldn't take the pain anymore. He thought really hard about what he should do. Should he pack up his things and go home, or try again tomorrow and risk screwing up even w ores tomorrow? He wasn't sure how long his friends would continue to tolerate him; and with practices like that, it was only a matter of time before they would kick him out of the band!

He was sick of holding everyone back...

**Well, what do you think? Yeah, I know, it's kind of sad, but I wanted to write it! Where do you think Carlos is going? Review and/or PM me! Let me know what you think is going to happen next and what you thought of the story!**

**That's all for now, until next time remember: **

**Peace, Love and Happiness!**

**-BrittSmiles4BTR!**


	2. Chapter 2

**What's up, everybody! I'm back with Chapter Two. **

**Sorry it took so long to get this chapter out. But while I was writing this, I just kind of noticed that a lot of what I'm making Carlos think is the way I feel sometimes. So please keep in mind that it might be a little bit harder to write about this because the subjects could get a little bit touchy. Hopefully I'll be able to get these next chapters out sooner. **

**Disclaimer- I DO NOT OWN BIG TIME RUSH!**

**So, here it is! Enjoy!**

Chapter Two

Running

_I am such a wimp._

Carlos winced as the blazing sun shined in his eyes when he watched the airplane pass through the sky. Yes, he _watched_ the airplane; the one that he was too scared to get on. He tried to shield his face from the sun's blinding rays only to realize that it was near impossible. As a result, he simply through his hoody up and ducked his head low, drawing his knees to his chest and glaring at nothing in particular.

At first, Carlos was going to run away and that was the end of it. He had it all worked out in his during his nice, long walk back to the PalmWoods; he was going to go back to the apartment, pack his things, buy a plane ticket back to Minnesota and be in the first taxi to the airport before anyone was the wiser. It was the perfect plan, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. So now he was sitting alone, at the PalmWoods Pool, in his favorite chair. _Wow, I _am_ a wimp!_

He didn't know why he didn't just go home; clearly Gustavo didn't want or need him there. He had said so himself- quite harshly at that. He couldn't believe that Gustavo had said that he should have left him in Minnesota! That had to be the most awful thing that had ever been said to him; and he'd said his share of terrible things.

Carlos tried his hardest to reassure himself; Griffin was the boss of Gustavo, so if he really thought that Carlos wasn't good enough, he would have dumped him from the get-go. Plus, Gustavo stuck with him when his head was full of Hollywood Fever, and when he messed up the Break Up song! And let's not forget, Gustavo worked so hard at making Carlos a better singer and dancer; why would he waste all that time and energy on someone he was just going to dump, anyway?

But somehow, the words of Gustavo- the mean, hurtful words of Gustavo- managed to break through his own words of comfort. They were berating him, tearing him down until he was nothing. The voice inside his head was busy thinking to himself just what am I doing here? Why can't I do anything right? Why am I not good enough? The haunting little voices inside his head continued to rip apart his confidence; the wall he'd built in his heart that kept him the strong, bounce back kid was beginning to diminish brick by brick.

"Hey, Carlos!" Carlos looked up and couldn't help but smile. There, staring back at him and blocking the sun was his favorite method actress, Camille. But at the moment, Camille didn't look like Camille. Instead, she was dressed as witch. Her big, pointy hat and wavy black robe made her look very convincing.

"Wait- don't tell me- are you doing another witch movie like Witches of Rodeo Drive?"

Camille chuckled. "No, silly! I just got back from a costume party!"

Carlos nodded in understanding, but frowned in concern. "Camille, it's- like- eighty- something degrees out here! Aren't you hot?"

Camille's eyebrows furrowed and she tugged feebly on her robe. "Yeah, this costume is really uncomfortable." She agreed, scrunching her face in discomfort. "Just a sec!" She said with a smile, then she dropped down out of sight. Before Carlos could blink, she comically popped back up in her normal attire. "There! That's better!" Carlos squinted in confusion, but decided not to question it. He could never figure out how people did that. He, himself, couldn't figure it out and he did it most of the time!

As Camille began to move, Carlos sat up just in time for her to pull the seat beside him closer. Her eyes never left his as she sat down to face him. "So, where are the guys?"

Carlos resisted the urge to roll his eyes. She's probably wondering where Logan was! "At Rocque Records."

Camille arched an eyebrow. "Wait- Why are you _here_ and they're _there_?"

"Camille-?"

"Did something happen at the studio?"

Carlos sighed; as much as he would have loved to just let loose and tell Camille about everything that was bothering him, he really didn't feel like being pressed into talking. He placed both his hands on his knees and heaved himself onto his feet. He stared down at Camille with the most serious he could muster. "Look, Camille, I appreciate that you want to help, but I don't really want to talk about this right now, ok?"

With that, he started back towards the lobby, hoping that Camille would take no for an answer. But with luck he'd been having lately, he wasn't really surprised when Camille took hold of his arm.

"Oh, no you don't!" she remarked. Although she sounded serious, he could still see the hint of a smirk playing on her face. Then before he could even think about getting away, she was dragging him to the nearest, empty cabana so that they could have at least a little bit of privacy. After she sat Carlos down in one of the seats, she zipped up the tent and turned to face him. "You're crazy if you think I'm going to leave you alone. Not this upset."

Carlos crossed his arms. "I'm not upset," he muttered through a petulant pout.

Camille simply rolled her eyes. "Right; because people who aren't upset pout." He looked up with a much more serious face, watching Camille with anticipation. His face showed a mixture of fear and curiosity, watching as if he were a child whose mother was about to give him cough syrup. Carlos thought that at that moment he he would have rather had cough syrup than observe what he was about to observe.

He had absolutely no idea what she had in mind; Camille was the most unpredictable method actress he'd ever met in his life! She could interrogate him into talking. One minute she could be nice and sweet like the good cop; offering him candy and hot chocolate and hugs and friendly advice. Then in the blink of an eye, she could turn into the bad cop, slamming things and screaming in his face, demanding answers!

Carlos anxiously stared back and forth. That did Katie tell him to do when people suspected he did something? _Right_, deny everything! _Deny, deny, deny!_

Carlos winced when Camille sat down beside him. His heart was already beating a million miles a minute and he could practically feel her eyes piercing through his skull. He panicked. _She's going to figure me out. She's going to judge me and think I'm a cry baby! I'm not going to let that happen!_ And before he could stop his lips from moving he was screaming, "I didn't do it! I deny everything!" out of force of habit.

Camille pursed her lips with confusion. "Didn't do what?"

"_Uhhhh..._" That plan was not well thought through; he'd managed to throw her off, yes, but now she thought he was crazy!

"Carlos, I already know you didn't do anything wrong!" Camille said, giving him a friendly pat to his back. "I just wanted to know what happened while you were at Rocque Records."

"_Oh._" Carlos muttered, feeling foolish.

"Now, talk to me!"

For once in his life, Carlos was at a complete loss of words. He had no idea what he was going to say. What if he told her everything and she didn't believe him? What if she judged him? Or misunderstood what he was saying and thought that he was just being ungrateful? What if she just overlooked his problems?

He shook up the apprehension that was currently building up in his chest. Camille would never do that to anyone! Camille would never judge him! But still, there was a part of his body that he just couldn't convince. He decided that he was going to try another approach.

"What do you do if you want to do something that you're not good at? But everyone else is good at it except for you?" Carlos knew it was a stupid idea; but if he would have came right out and asked if he was good enough to be in Big Time Rush, she would have tried to coddle him and told him that he was perfect just to spare his feelings.

Camille arched an eyebrow. "I don't understand."

Carlos tried to backpedal. "Well, say Guitar Dude one day decided that he wanted to be a... A _Male Model_? Or Budda Bob wanted to be a stunt man? What would you say?"

Camille scoffed, as if she had just pictured Guitar Dude trying to be a male model. "I'd tell him he's out of his mind!" She chuckled.

Carlos was taken back to say the least. That was the last thing he was expecting Camille to say. "Y-You mean you wouldn't tell him that he could try? I mean, what if I-?" Carlos paused at Camille's confused face. "I-I mean _he_ worked real hard at it, could he do it?"

"Not if he wasn't good at it. There are something's that not even practice will make you better at. There are some things that no matter how hard you try, you will never be good at. Take someone who can't sing; no matter how hard you train, you will never teach that person to sing."

"But what about Jenny Tinkler? She was an _awful_ singer when we were in school together..."

"Ok, bad example. My point is, Guitar Dude should just stick to the things he's good at. Does that help?"

In retrospect, that was really bad advice; but Carlos didn't know that at the time. Carlos' mind was racing a million miles a minute. He didn't know what to believe anymore. People had told him all his life that he wasn't a singer. Or a good dancer. Or anything for that matter. Had Gustavo been right all along? Was he really not meant to be in Big Time Rush? Was he really holding the band back? Carlos wasn't sure anymore; but what he did know was that Camille's advice didn't make him feel better.

He looked up upon realizing that he had been lost in his own world again. "_Yeah_," he cleared when his voice cracked with emotion. He tried again. "Yeah, thanks Camille." He offered her a friendly smile.

"No problem." she said, feeling quite proud of herself. "Anything else you need help with?"

"No," He mumbled with a humorless laugh that Camille didn't seem to catch. "I just have a lot to think about, you know?"

Camille smiled, patting his knee reassuringly. "Are you sure you're ok here by yourself?" Carlos nodded. "Good; I just need to get back to my apartment before Logan gets back." Camille said, jumping to his feet.

"Later," Carlos mumbled and then he was alone.

Alone with the dark and his thoughts...

The first thing Carlos thought of was Gustavo.

He thought about everything that had happened to them since the day they got to LA. New friends, music videos, concerts, fans, a tour! It was all so much! The memories of it all brought a smile to his face. But then his mind traveled back to what Gustavo said and the frown returned. All the _mean, hurtful_ things that Gustavo said clashed together with Camille's "advice" perfectly. Each word echoed in his mind. He could only _imagine_ where Big Time Rush would be if he weren't there to hold them back.

Carlos sighed sadly as he heaved himself back to his feet. He knew exactly what he had to do; he had better kick _himself_ out of the band before they could.

With a heavy heart, he shuffled back to the apartment. He didn't even bother to acknowledge anyone who tried to talk to him, offered him high-fives, or even waved to him in the hallway. He simply got in the elevator without a word to anyone, too depressed to even wallow in his own self pity. When he looked around the apartment and was relieved that no one was there. Mama Knight had taken Katie out for the day and wouldn't be back until later. If she'd have been there, she would have hounded him on walking out of the studio and he would have probably been grounded for the rest of the day.

He moved to his and James' combined room, dragging his feet as he pushed the door open. After flopping down onto his bed, he grabbed his cell phone and turned it on. He looked at it and saw that there were twenty missed calls; five from James, five from Logan, and five from Kendall. He'd even got a text message from Kelly. He got nothing from Gustavo; no surprise there.

Carlos pursed his lips, punching in the number then holding it to his ear. After two rings there was a _click_.

"_Hello?_"

A tiny smile spread across his face. "Hi, Dad!"

"_Hey, buddy! Is everything ok?_"

"Y-Yeah Dad, everything's... fine." Carlos lied. He could practically see his father's disapproving look. He sighed again. "No, Dad, everything's not fine... um..." He trailed off, unable to find the words. "Papi, can I come home?"

"_Oh, um._" the man seemed taken back. "_Of course, bud. How long do you plan on staying?_"

"No Papi," Carlos sighed. He must of have worded it wrong. "I want to come home. Like home, home. To stay."

"_Oh, buddy..._"

"I'm not good enough to be here in Big Time Rush, Dad. Gustavo thinks that I'm worthless, a joke. He thinks he should have left me back in Minnesota! Papi, please don't make me stay here! Please!" By the end of his rant, he was in tears, gripping the phone in a death grip in one hand and his helmet in the other.

There was a long pause, where he assumed his father was thinking it over. Then he spoke, and he was very surprised to here his answer. "_Ok, son. If this is what you want, you can come home_."

Carlos smiled, a tear ran down his face again. "Thanks Dad, I love you."

"Love you too, buddy."

He hung up the phone, and hopped out of his bed and opened the closet door. He quickly pulled out the suitcase that he had buried in the back of the closet and pulled it out. Another tear slid down his face that he didn't even bother to wipe off and it dropped into the empty suitcase.

_I'm going home... _

**Well, there you have it. What did you guys think of it? Did you hate it? Like it? LOve it! Just let me know! Leave a review! Or PM me works too! **

**Well, that's it for now, until next time, remember:**

**Peace, Love and Happiness!**

**-BrittSmiles4BTR!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys! I'm back with Chapter Three! I'm so sorry that it took me so long to update. I've just been so busy trying to get everything ready for school, plus drama and other things that I just haven't had the time to update. Plus I, being the little ****_perfectionist_**** that I am, wanted everything to be absolutely perfect before I posted it! I'm just so excited that you finally get to read it!**

**Disclaimer- I DO NOT OWN BIG TIME RUSH!**

**So, without further adieu, it's Chapter Three!**

Chapter Three

Give Me One Good Reason...

Carlos had never put so much time and effort into a letter before.

And he'd written his share of letters in life; letters to his grandparents, letters to his parents while he was in Camp Wonkey-Donkey, even letters to _Santa Clause!_ But this one put all of them to shame. He just wanted it to be perfect. He was trying to be as steady as possible so that the letter would at least be legible, but his trembling hand was making the simple task incredibly difficult. He highly doubted his friends would even be able to _read_ his chicken scratch.

Carlos grimaced when his hand started to cramp, but he kept writing; the pain in his heart was the perfect distraction. Finally, at the bottom of the page, he scribbled his signature. He puffed out a huge breath of air.

His letter was done.

Carlos placed his pencil down and picked up his paper, holding it up to his face. As his eyes scanned the paper they began to mist, his lip began to quiver and his grip on the paper tightened. After reading it, then rereading it, and then reading it again, he deemed it perfect.

He quickly folded it into four pieces and put it in the envelope and quickly slipped it beneath his covers. Carlos carefully placed his pillow atop of the letter before turning on his side. He could hear the paper crumpling against the cushion, but he didn't fret; it's not like it would have mattered when whoever found it and read it.

While laying on his bed- one of his arms was carefully tucked away behind his head and the other was resting comfortably on his tummy- he watched the ceiling fan go around and around. He was just trying to get his sleep deprived mind to piece together everything that had happened to him.

He couldn't believe that an entire day had gone by since he had walked out of another rehearsal. He couldn't believe that he had given Gustavo another chance! What in his brain _possessed_ him to give the man another chance! He _knew_ he was just going to degrade him again; he just _knew_ it. But did he listen to himself? _No_. He knew he was a forgiving person, but he just couldn't stand it anymore. Fortunately, he'd bought the plane ticket prior, just incase something like that were to happen.

Now it was official. He was going home. It was hard too believe that it was happening; he was going home. He was _actually_ going home. His plane ticket was ready to go as well as all of his things. He would be on a plane going back to Minnesota at two in the morning; he figured no one would be awake to stop him at that time of night.

A thought suddenly dawned on him. This would be the last night he was going to spend with his friends and was spending it alone! Where were they, anyway? Were they looking for him? _Nah_, he thought! _They were probably celebrating that the screw up was gone_.

He tried to push those negative feelings away, but they refused to leave. But what was the point anyway? He already knew they were true. He'd been sitting in his bed for almost two hours now; if they really wanted him to be around him, they would have been home by now! Carlos yawned, becoming so lost in thought that he had come close to falling asleep. Maybe if he closed his eyes, he would disappear...

Carlos' eyes fluttered open when he heard voices on the other side of his closed door. He gasped, he hadn't been expecting them to get home so fast! He quickly leapt from his bed, scrambling to the edge. He quickly shoved the suitcase under his bed and stood up, just in time to hear the door hinges creak.

Suddenly, a pair of green orbs were staring him down and Carlos wanted nothing more than to be on the next plane to Siberia. Unfortunately, before he could even make a move, he was squished in the middle of a group hug and the life was being squeezed out of him. His arms were all bent at the elbows, pressed awkwardly at his chest. He felt his feet leave the safety of the ground as he assumed someone had lifted him. All in all, Carlos was _very_ uncomfortable; he didn't think that anyone could be worse at squeezing people than Freigh Train.

"Carlos!" he heard Kendall exclaim; he sounded relieved. "You're here! You're _still_ here! Is this where you've been all this time?"

"I was-?" He was cut short as their grip increased, tightening tenfold. He yelped, noticing that the simple task of breathing was becoming harder and harder to perform.

"Why didn't you call us?" Logan questioned.

"I-?" Once again, his breath was caught when the hug tightened.

"You had us worried sick! What were you thinking?"

Carlos tried to respond, but he couldn't; he was tangled in an impossibly unbearably tight grip. He tried again. "If you'd- _let me go_- I'd tell you!" He wheezed. His voice came out more quiet- and strangled- than he wanted, but as of now, he was just happy he was able to get his voice passed his throat. He was beginning to feel lightheaded and their iron, bear hug of death was starting to cut off his airways.

"Yeah, that would probably be a good idea," Logan commented. "I don't think Carlos' face is _supposed_ to be blue." And they reluctantly released the embrace. He dropped back to his feet, gulping huge- _very dramatic_- breaths of air.

He didn't get a chance to even _try_ to explain or defend himself. He _started_ to speak, but before he could a word in, they were lecturing him again.

"Do you have any idea how worried we were? You've been missing for two hours!" James chided. He gripped his younger friend's shoulders as he continued to scold. "That's one hundred and twenty minutes were _we_," James paused to gesture to Kendall, Logan and then himself. "Had no idea where you were! When we didn't find you here the first time, we tore up most of the town looking for you! We thought that something happened to you! I don't want you to _ever_ do this again! Do you hear me?!"

When James stopped again, Logan took a moment to inspect her; his doctor-like instincts kicking in. He quickly took notice of the dried, tear stains that had been left on his face. "Have you been crying?" Logan inquired sympathetically.

Carlos' eyes widened, his hands immediately meeting his face to scrub his cheeks. "No, it's... Allergies." He mumbled, his eyes dropping down the floor. Logan wasn't sure, but he was certain that he'd heard the boy sniffle.

"Carlos," Kendall said, his voice soft and gentle. When Carlos didn't look up, he gently grabbed his chin and lifted his eyes. "it's ok to be upset about what happened, you know? Gustavo was _way_ out of line."

Carlos shook his head. "I'm fine."

Kendall sighed. "Can you guys please, go and help my mom with dinner."

"Ok, Kendall." Logan nodded, giving Carlos a gentle pat on the shoulder before leaving, James followed closely.

"Come on," Kendall said, taking Carlos' shoulder in his hand and turning him around. With little effort, he was able to push him to his bed and sit him down. After sitting down beside him, Kendall looked down at his youngest friend, keeping his face as sincere looking and genuine as possible. "I'm not going to yell at you. I'm not going to judge you or anything like that. I just want to know what happened."

Carlos sighed; he knew that that was the start of Kendall's famous _it's time four one of our heart to heart talks_ speech. "Ok."

"Ok, number one: where were you? You know you're supposed to call us to let us know where you are and that you're ok."

"I know; I just wanted to be alone. So when I got home, I went to the pool!"

Kendall looked puzzled. "We looked there! We searched the entire apartment, then we went to the pool to look, and then we searched around town!"

Carlos winced. "_Well_,"

"Well, _what_?"

Carlos bit his lip. "I didn't _exactly_ come straight home; I stopped at that convenient store to get some Fruit Smackers!"

Kendall gave him a disappointed look. "You know you're not supposed to go there by yourself!"

"I know, but I was upset and they were so tempting!"

Kendall playfully rolled his eyes, before his face returned to it's original solemn expression. "Well, we tried calling you! Why didn't you answer your phone?"

Carlos shrugged. "I turned it off."

Kendall sighed. He knew for a fact that Carlos wasn't telling him the whole truth, but he didn't want to push Carlos to talk. Carlos would talk to him when he was ready, not a moment sooner. "Well," Kendall placed his hands on his knees to heave himself back to his feet. "my mom's home with dinner. Come on!"

"I'm not hungry." Carlos said simply, scooting back in his bed to lay down on his back.

"But you're _always_ hungry! Are you ok?" Kendall asked skeptically.

Carlos tried to force a smile. "I'm fine! Just not hungry!"

"Buddy, we didn't eat breakfast this morning. And I bet you didn't come up here to get yourself lunch when you came home, did you?"

"But I had Fruit Smackers!" Carlos offered with a sheepish smile.

"Fruit Smackers _isn't_ lunch." Kendall said with a chuckle. Carlos merely huffed, crossing his arms defiantly. "Fine, then you leave me no choice." Suddenly, Kendall was leaping forward, grabbing Carlos by the arms and dragging him up into a sitting position.

Carlos squealed in surprise as he was pulled over Kendall's shoulder. "Kendall, stop! Let me down!" Carlos demanded, kicking his legs and aiming a swift kick to the taller boy's stomach. Kendall simply ignored it.

"Are you coming down for dinner?"

"Yes!" Carlos whined. Kendall smiled as he set his friend back on the floor. Carlos scowled at him, readjusting his hoody. "I hate you."

Kendall smiled, knowing that his friend was only kidding. "I love you too!" Kendall clapped Carlos' shoulder, then led him down to the dining room where they found the boys setting up the dinner table.

Mrs. Knight looked up from the salad she was mixing, and a smile spread across her face. "Carlos!" she exclaimed in excitement, and without missing a beat, she dropped the big fork and spoon into the bowl and moved over to her. She wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug, and he hugged back. When she pulled back, she looked him over. "How are you feeling? Any better?" Mrs. Knight asked in concern, putting a hand to his forehead.

Carlos arched an eyebrow in confusion. "What are you talking about? I'm not sick!" He protested, gently pushing her hand away.

Kendall's eyes widened, but he quickly masked it when he dipped in front of Carlos.

"Oh Carlos. You don't have to pretend!" Kendall laughed nervously when his mother gave him a skeptical look.

"Yeah, we already told my mom that you were feeling a bit under the weather, and that you had to come home from rehearsal early." Logan said in that loud voice that he used when he was trying to conceal something.

Carlos still looked confused, looking between his friends. James rolled his eyes, but stepped in front of Carlos so that he was facing him. "But you're feeling _much _better, _aren't you_?" James explained slowly, his eyes were wide nodding his head as if he were speaking to a three- year- old.

At first, he thought that his friends were losing it. Why were they speaking to him as if they had their inner ears in? But then in clicked in his head; they hadn't told Mrs. Knight about what had happened with Gustavo. Carlos felt an incredibly relieved that they hadn't told her. She didn't need to know about it; it would only upset her.

"Oh, _right_. Much better!" Carlos said, plastering a smile to his face.

Mrs. Knight nodded, though she was a bit confused, she was satified. "Ok! Who wants dinner?" She asked, motioning to the table.

"We're having spaghetti!" Katie smiled, sitting down in her spot next to Kendall.

Kendall scoffed. "What? No dinosaur chicken nuggets?" He asked with a chuckle, playfully nudging Carlos, who laughed as well.

Mrs. Knight arched an eyebrow. "If you guys want, I could pop some in the oven and-?" They all started talking at once, but Mrs. Knight was certain that they were saying things along the lines of "No!" and "This is fine!" and "I'm good!" as they sat down in their respectable seats. "Ok, then!"

With that, they all dug in, discussing various parts of the day, filling Mama Knight in on everything she'd missed. Well, almost everything. As the boys began to talk, Carlos heard that they were strategically leaving out Carlos' little break down at the studio.

As they continued to discuss, Carlos could feel himself zoning out again, becoming lost in his own world. He didn't know it yet, but his friends were eyeing him down as he continued to pick at his food. He'd still yet to take a bite.

He couldn't believe it. He was leaving; the more he thought about it, the harder it got to think about. It was going to be his last night in the PalmWoods, his last night in apartment 2J, his last night in Big Time Rush. This was his last meal he was going to have together with his friends. In a few short hours, he would be on a plane heading to ...

What if they hated him? What if they had to cancel the tour because they couldn't find a replacement? In all honesty, he'd considered that; he thought that maybe he could just wait until the end of tour to leave, but what would be the point of that? He could mess up on stage. He could forget the dance moves, or mess up his solo! He was going to ruin the whole tour! He'd be a laughing stalk, and Big Time Rush would be a joke and it would be all his fault.

He unconsciously shook his head, earning weird glances. They could find a better singer/dancer with twice the stamina than him; they could easily find a replacement for him. Big Time Rush was going to be so much better without him anyway.

"_... What do you think, Carlos?_" a voice penetrated his thoughts like a knife and he looked up.

"Huh?" he asked, having not heard a word of what they were saying.

Kendall smiled knowingly. "I said, '_What do you think?'_"

Carlos shook his head to clear it. "About what?"

"Having a sleepover, silly?"

"But we all live in the same apartment."

Kendall, Logan and James laughed. "No!" James laughed, ruffling his hair. "We were thinking we could all sleep in Logan and Kendall's room!"

Carlos looked conflicted; as much as he wanted to spend his last night having a sleepover with his best buds- after all, that did sound like fun- he had to wake up early, and the last thing he needed was them waking up. "Oh, I don't know, you guys. I'm kind of tired, and all I really want to do is go to sleep."

"Come on, Carlitos! It'll be fun!" Kendall begged and as if on cue, he, Logan and James each clasped their hands together under their chins and extended their lower lips in their own versions of puppy dog pouts. Carlos hated it when they did that; they knew that he couldn't resist their eyes.

"Ok, fine!" Carlos groaned, giving up.

They each let out their own cheers, leaping up from their seats and snagging Carlos up by his hoody, and arms. They half-walked-half-dragged the boy down the hallway and into the room where they threw him down in Kendall's bed.

"Don't run away on us, now!" Kendall joked; or at least he thought it was a joke. It was kind of funny how they boys were telling him _not_ to run away... Carlos' eyes widened. _Oh my gosh... They know._ They knew along that he was leaving and that was why they were having the sleep over. They were trying to convince him to change his mind. But that was ridiculous, wasn't it? He never directly said that he was going to leave, and the only person he told was his Papi. He was just paranoid. He had to be being paranoid.

A short moment later, the boys returned with his and James' pillows and blankets, those big, perfect smiles plastered on their faces. In all honesty, it was a little creepy.

"_Ok_." Carlos said, standing up. "Listen, guys. I've been thinking, and I decided that I'm just going to turn in early. You guys have fun."

Kendall shook his head. "Oh, no! You're _not_ skipping out on this sleep over!" He said, pushing Carlos back on the bed while Logan and James set up.

"But I'm tired!" Carlos whined.

"It's six o'clock!" Carlos wanted to protest again, but Kendall cut him off. "Trust me, this is going to be fun! We're going to watch movies and hang out and have snacks..."

"Now!" James said, pulling out some movies from behind his back. "Pick a card, any card!"

After watching every movie his little heart desired; everything from Toy Story 2 to We Bout A Zoo. Carlos had fallen asleep... Or so they thought. Carlos had strategically positioned himself beside James during the second movie; using the boy as his "pillow" and he closed his eyes. His willed his breathing to even out and his body to relax. He figured that if he feigned sleep, they would follow by example and go to bed themselves. Then it would be able to sneak out with ease.

He could feel a chaste, brotherly kiss atop his head and he would have smiled, but then they would have known that he wasn't a sleep. He could feel the bed beneath him dip and then fingers combing through his hair. It was all quite soothing and he feared that he would actually fall asleep.

"The poor little guy must have been exhausted." he heard Logan hiss.

"I know, normally he's the last one to pass out." James whispered back.

"Gustavo was _really_ hard on him today." Logan said with a sigh, passing a hand through the Latino's short, spiky hair.

"Gustavo was hard on _everyone_." Kendall countered, rubbing slow, steady circles into his back.

"Yeah, but you guys know how Carlos is; he's so sensitive and he takes everything you say to heart." There was a long pause after that, and Carlos could feel his heart throbbing with guilt. He was making his friends feel terrible, so naturally he felt terrible.

"Do you think he was serious about what he said, you guys?" Logan asked, his voice laced with concern.

Kendall sighed. "I don't know. I just hope Carlos remembers that we love him no matter what."

"Yeah, me too." James and Logan said in unison.

"Well, we better get to sleep." Logan suggested, and the hand stopped touching his head and a dip disappeared from beside him. "We've got a big day ahead of us." Two more dips disappeared.

The voices around him disappeared and he listened closely. The house was completely silent; there wasn't a sound to be heard anyway. He could hear some shuffling going on beneath his feet, but he paid no mind to it. And just as he feared, he fell into a deep sleep.

Something buzzed inside his pocket. Carlos buried his face into his pillow and groaned. It seemed like when ever he just fell asleep, he had to wake up. He thanked his lucky stars that he'd remembered to put his phone on vibrate. He scrambled to fish his phone out of his pocket and checked the time. He inwardly groaned, midnight. As much as he would have liked to be able to lay back down and get a few more good hours of sleep, he knew he had to get up. Carefully, he threw back his covers and swung his legs off the side of the bed.

His eyes widened in shock, feeling his socked toes graze something soft. Was it a pillow? Or maybe hair? It was too dark for the groggy Latino to tell. He looked around, slowly realizing what his friends had done; they each fell asleep at different sides of the bed, someone at each side and then someone at the edge, practically trapping him. No matter which side he got out of, he'd wake somebody up. _This was going to be tricky._

Carlos bit his lip as he slowly slid off the bed and raised himself back to his feet.

He held his breath as he attempted to tip toe passed his dozing friends. As he tried to maneuver around in the dark room, a glimpse of the light shining through the closed door helped guide him. When he looked a bit closer, he could see all he really had to do was make it passed the sleeping lump in front of him and he would be home free.

Carlos' eyes twinkled mischievously and he willed himself to remain as silent as he could. Carefully and stealth like, he inched closer. He recoiled and froze when whoever was in front of him moved in his sleep, but passed a sigh of relief when he simply readjusted himself in his sleeping bag and went back to sleep. Wiping away the imaginary sweat from his brow, he forced his feet to move. Biting his lip, he shimmied around it. He was about halfway around and he was quite grateful that they didn't wake up.

Suddenly, a hand was snaking out, grabbing the boy by his ankle. Carlos let out a startled gasp- which he stiffened with his hands. He looked down and could barely see Logan rolling onto his back when his eyes adjusted to the darkness. He could never understand how Logan could do that without opening his eyes! Logan had to be the lightest, yet soundest sleeper he'd ever met in his life!

With his one hand still clasping Carlos' foot and the other scrubbing his eyes, Logan let out a long yawn. When he was finished, his eyes shone with curiosity, though they did look dazed.

"Carlos?" Logan asked in the lowest whisper he could muster.

Carlos grimaced. _Busted..._ "Yes?"

"What are you doing out of bed?" Logan asked, once he'd let go of Carlos' foot.

"I was- _uh..._" He searched his brain for an excuse. "J-Just going to the bathroom."

"Oh, ok." Logan yawned.

"I'll be right back." Carlos lied in a vain attempt to coax the boy back to sleep.

Logan nodded. "_Be right back._" Logan repeated; sometimes when he was tired, he needed to repeat things in order for them to stick inside his head, but Carlos could tell that Logan was already too far gone to even comprehend what was happening.

"Go back to sleep." And with that, Logan rolled over. His breathing began to even out and Carlos could tell he was out. Logan was so easily swayed when he was sleepy, Carlos mused. "Goodnight, Logan. I love you."

"Love you, too, 'Los," Logan slurred tiredly. Carlos sighed; he knew that if Logan were totally awake, he would have stopped him, but this tired Logan didn't have a clue of what was going on; sleeping without so much as a care in the world.

Before he left, Carlos did one last check around the room. Carlos turned, staring intently into the pitch dark room and imagining where he thought his friends might be laying. "Goodbye, guys. I love you." Carlos whispered sadly. He knew that he couldn't say it any louder; for they'd wake up and discover what he was up to. and they'd never let him go.

Carlos hurried back to his room and gathered the rest of his stuff. After stuffing his helmet and his phone charger into his carry on back, he slung his bag over his shoulder and wheeled his suitcase towards the door. He turned to look at his room one last time. He was really going to miss this room; he had a lot of good times in this room.

Then he made his way out into the living room. He circled around it a few times, saying goodbye to everything he could, including the swirly slide. Then with one last, final look around apartment 2J- the place that had become his home for the passed year- Carlos swung the door closed.

Carlos wasn't breathing anymore.

He thought he'd heard the pitter patter of little feet across the floor, but thought that maybe they had mice... _Big_ mice... Big _talking_ mice... Kendall shook his head. _I really am tired._

Quickly, he scurried out o f his sleeping bag and hurried to the side of Carlos' bed; he did so very cautiously, careful not to wake up Logan.

Kendall sighed in exasperation as he watched his youngest friend lay completely motionless in Logan's bed. Frankly, he was relieved that Carlos was still in bed, for he feared that when morning came, he wouldn't be.

Kendall wasn't blind; he wasn't as oblivious as Carlos may have thought he was. He _did_ notice that since they'd gotten home and found him alone in his room, Carlos was acting strange. Carlos was incredibly insecure, he never thought that he was as good as the rest of them, even though he was. In addition to Gustavo practically down his throat about _every little thing_ he did, Carlos was starting to feel the pressure. And although it made him work harder, it upset him as well and when Carlos got upset, he ran. He'd run from his problems, just like any other young, irrational teenager did when they were under pressure.

Carlos had his back to the door and the comforters were draped carelessly over his head. Kendall was more or less grateful for that, considering that Carlos absolutely hated being watched when he was trying to sleep.

Kendall continued to stare at the sleeping lump in Logan's bed- unmoving, not breathing, _unnatural_. He rolled up his sleeve to reveal his watch, pressing the tiny button to light up the tiny, blinking, digital numbers. It was one thirty.

He almost debated waking him; surely the boy had to be exhausted. All the emotion stress had to be taking it's toll on him. Even _Carlos_- the nonstop ball of energy- had to get drained sometime. But his stomach wasn't rising and falling, which deeply concerned him. He had to make sure Carlos was ok.

As cautiously as humanly possible, Kendall tapped him on the shoulder. Carlos didn't even stir. "Carlos, are you still alive under there?" Kendall joked as he pulled back the covers. What he discovered had his heart dropping to his stomach and his stomach twisting in knots.

Kendall spun on his heel and dropped to his knees, rolling Logan out of the way so he could jerk up the covers to look underneath the bed. Then he scrambled to the closet, ripping it open with such force that he feared it would be yanked from it's hinges, or worse, wake his friends. He didn't care; he just tore through the closet, desperate to find their mischievous boy. He was almost hoping that Carlos was hiding, trying to get revenge on them for all the times they scared him.

His mind instantaneously switched into a panic stricken state and he came to the sickening realization. Carlos was gone.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, _no_!" This couldn't be happening! This could _not_ be happening! He couldn't even wrap his mind around it. Carlos was _gone_, but he hadn't noticed until now!

Kendall willed himself to calm down. Carlos could still be in the apartment; there was no reason to panic! He could have gotten up to get a midnight snack, or gone to the bathroom. The first place Kendall thought to check was back in James and Carlos' room; perhaps the boy was seeking comfort and went to go retrieve his helmet.

He entered the room and immediately, any hope he was feeling diminished. His bed was still sloppily made in the same way it was left when he dragged Carlos out of it earlier that day. James' bed was empty too. He yanked off the pillow off in a fit of frustration and hurled in across the room. Just then, he saw something floating towards the ground out of the corner of his eyes.

A small envelope slid to the ground to his feet. His panic attack was beginning to subside as he stared down at it. What was that doing under Carlos' pillow? Intrigued, he picked it up, ripped it open and fished out what was inside. It looked like a letter, it was even written in Carlos' handwriting. He didn't feel right going through Carlos' stuff, but before he could stop himself, he was reading the first line.

_To Kendall, James and Logan._

The first line had his name on it...

His eyes began to scan the paper, moving from left to right as he read and reread each line carefully. It wasn't that he didn't understand what he was reading; it was all clear as crystal. It was that he couldn't believe it. Too shocked to hold it anymore, the letter fell back on the ground as he sprinted off. It wasn't true. What he'd just read WASN'T true.

_By the time you read this, I'm probably long gone. I'm sorry, I just can't do it anymore. I'm tired of holding you guys back..._

Kendall yanked open their closet door, using his phone as flashlight to rummaging through the close and various boxes, determined to find his friend. He wasn't in his closet, and neither were any of his clothes and his suitcase.

_I just wanted to let you guys know, that this wasn't an easy decision for me to make and that I love you all very much. I know you say you love me, but let's face it, you can only so long you can tolerate mediocre..._

After checking under both beds thoroughly, Kendall then dashed off to bathroom, finding it too empty. He also discovered that Carlos' EpiPen was gone. Kendall blinked back tears as he scrambled to the living room, checking under the seat cushions, in the locker by the door, under the table; he checked just about everywhere that his Latino buddy would think to look, and there was still no sign of him.

_So, I'm leaving..._

He even shimmied up the swirly slide, only to find it vacant as well. Not a trace, the boy had even taken his helmet and hockey stick. It was official; Carlos was missing.

_The truth is, I'm not good enough. I know it. You guys know it. Even Gustavo knows it. It isn't fair that you guys should have to deal with the likes of me when you can find millions of people who could easily take my place._

Kendall stared at the door of the apartment. It was closed, but it wasn't locked. Mama Knight _always_ locked the door before they went to bed; someone must have left and forgot to lock it.

_Good luck on the tour. You'll be in my heart forever. Tell Katie and Mama Knight and everyone at the PalmWoods I love them too._

_Best wishes,_

_Carlos._

He ran a nervous hand through his hair. Carlos was missing- _anything_ could have happened to him by now! He could have been jumped and beaten in an alley... Or _worse_...

Carlos sighed, having finally managed to squeeze his his luggage into the overhead compartment, he let out a huge sigh. He casually flopped into his seat. Carlos looked around; he was very surprised to find the majority of the seats on the flight were empty. But then again, what did he expect? It was almost two o'clock in the morning; no one in their right mind would be up! Carlos scoffed; _that explained a lot_.

He arched an eyebrow at himself. That was so unlike him; if anything that sounded more like Logan than himself. He sighed, he was really going to miss Logan's witty, snide comments. He was going to miss the way that they would smack each other around and get in to their occasional slap fights. He was going to miss the way they would fight over Helmet and call each other stupid. They were the _Good Luck Patrol_, for crying out loud!

Carlos gripped his seat, willing his body to calm down. Alright, just count to three... He said, trying to coach himself the same way that Kendall did...

Carlos' grip loosened at the thought of the official, unofficial leader. Carlos always got nervous about flights, but that was why he always like plane rides with Kendall. He would help him relax and distract him with movies and posting things on Twitter. Not only that, but Kendall believed in him when others didn't; like when no one thought that Carlos could be the muscle of their strike... even though he _couldn't_, but still, even when he had proven himself to be a flop, Kendall didn't stop believing that Carlos was strong up until the moment where Mama Knight started being their representation. He was going to miss that about Kendall.

Carlos sighed, looking out the window. He was tired, and all he wanted to was put his head on something soft, but no one was beside him. Whenever they rode on a plane and Carlos had to sit by James, Carlos always fell asleep leaning on or clinging to James. Without fail. Every. Single. Time. But now that he couldn't, he kind of missed that James nagging him to stay on _his side_ of the seat. Even though James acted like he was serious, he never pushed him off because he didn't mind.

He was going to miss James. A lot of people thought that James was selfish, vain and only cared about what he looked like, but in reality, he was much, _much_ more than that. James was his partner in crime; they'd gotten in more trouble together than they could even keep track of. They competed for Lucy's heart, and they fake fought for the bonus on Griffin's crazy reality show! They played with their food together! They tried to hide a cow from Mr. Bitters and they tried to get the Palmwoods kids to like them after they came back from their first tour. Together, they were the superheroes; _Bandana Man_ and _El Hombre Del Flaming Space Rock Man!_ They were the _Hollywood Super Party Kings of Hollywood!_

Carlos thought he was having his doubts before, but they were nothing compared to what he was feeling now. Was he making a mistake, dropping everything and leaving it all behind?

Before he could even reflect on that, the pilot of the plane was talking over the intercom. "_Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We like to welcome you onboard! This flight is heading to Minnesota. Hmm... Sunny L.A. to snowy Minnesota..._" The pilot chuckled, earning a few laughs from the people around him. "_Anyway, the flight duration is around three and a half hours and we are expecting a fairly smooth flight today. Once again we thank you for choosing to fly with us today and we hope you enjoy your flight!_"

As the pilot went on to explain how to use the seat belt and what to do during an emergency, Carlos was reminded of why he had to leave. He shook his head, there was no turning back now. It was all for the best.

He tried to relax, closing his eyes so he could properly enjoy the flight. He even came close to falling asleep again, when he felt something poke his shoulder. He tried to ignore it, but whatever it was, it was definitely persistent.

"_Excuse me,_" a voice finally asked, tearing him out of his thoughts. He poked an eye open, wanting more than anything to give who was annoying him a death glare that he wouldn't forget, but when he looked up and his heart stopped. "_Is this seat taken?_"

**Cliffhanger! I know, I just had to, I couldn't resist! :)**

**This Chapter was just a little bit longer than the others; I hope you guys don't mind.**

**Who do you guys think asked Carlos to sit by him? Was it Kendall? Maybe James? Logan? Let me know who you think it is?**

**What do you think of the story? Did you hate it? Like it? Love it? Let me know! Review or PM me!**

**That's all for now, until next time, remember until:**

**Peace, Love and Happiness!**

**-BrittSmiles4BTR**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey, guys! I am so sorry about the long wait for Chapter Four! I just have a lot going on in my life now; new school, new friends, new family and more unfortunately, NEW DRAMA! It's kind of a complicated time now for me; I can't go too into it because it's really long and personal, but let's just say, you would not like being me right now.**

**Anyway, I really am sorry for leaving you guys hanging for so long. Originally, I wanted to leave you guys an Author's Note a long time ago explaining that it was going to be a while until the next chapter, but I kind of know what that feels like. You know what I'm talking about? Where you're waiting forever just to see what happens next and then it shows that the next chapter has been posted and it's just an Author's Note saying that you're going the have to wait EVEN LONGER... Yeah, I've been there enough times to know what that feels like and I didn't want you guys to be upset with me, so I held off! I am so so sorry for making you guys wait so long!**

**Just a quick note, I can't tell you that chapters and other stories are going to come out quicker now because in all honesty, I don't know what the future holds for me. I'm not quitting FanFic, but there's just a lot on my plate at the moment and I'm not sure that I'm going to be able to produce as many stories as one may hope. I'm still open to requests and everything, I just don't know if I'll be able to keep cranking them out in a timely fashion.**

**Wow, that was a ****_really_**** long authors note. Sorry about that. :P**

**Disclaimer- I DO NOT OWN BIG TIME RUSH!**

**Now, without keeping you guys waiting any more, here is Chapter Four.**

Not Good Enough Ch 4

Carlos didn't know whether to feel relieved or scared.

The boy was towering over him; standing tall and thin; and not to mention a little bit toned. His brown eyes were gentle, staring him down with, not anger but understanding and his perfect teeth were lined together in a smile. He didn't wait for an answer as he plopped down beside Carlos, flipping his long, dark brown hair out of his face. There sitting beside him was _James_.

He was literally sitting in the middle of his worst nightmare.

He was supposed to leave without _anyone_ knowing, clear and simple. But now that James was there, it totally ruined everything. Carlos hasn't been anticipating this; he hadn't been expecting to get caught! Who would expect that?

James sat down beside Carlos as if it were nothing out of the ordinary, digging into his small carryon bag for his comb and mirror, smiling kindly at him for a moment before turning back to his reflection.

As James ran his lucky comb through his hair, Carlos couldn't help but think that he was about to die. Surely, James was furious with him; who wouldn't be? He packed up his things and left without even saying goodbye!

Once again, Carlos could feel his chest getting dangerously tight as he stared with wide eyes at one of his best friends. His breathing was unconsciously becoming labored as he mentally prepared himself for the lashing he was going to get from James. He knew it was coming; that speech that James usually gave him whenever he did something dangerous or stupid. Carlos could practically hear the disappointed tone in James voice as he chide him on being reckless and giving him a heart attack. Carlos had heard the same interrogation so many times that he'd come to memorize it.

Carlos let out a mixture between a whine and a wheeze as he inched closer to the window. His eyes never left James as he gripped the armrests at his sides so tightly that his knuckles were turning an almost sickening shade of white.

_James was going to kick his-?_

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Calm down, man!" James cooed in what he hoped were a reassuring voice. He gently pried Carlos' nearest hand from the cushioned armrest so he could hold it in his own.

"A-Am I in trouble?"

"No, of course you're not!"

"Are you going to kill me? Destroy me? Yell at me?" James countered each question with a shake of his head. "Nothing?" James shook his head again. "You mean, you're not mad at me?"

"No, buddy; I'm just going to talk to you, ok?" James assured, looking his frightened younger friend in the eye so he could see he was telling the truth.

Carlos relaxed a bit after hearing that; he felt better knowing that James wasn't going to reprimand him for anything. "James, I-?"

Carlos was cut off when the pilot began to speak again."_Attention passengers, we are preparing for take off. Please make sure you seat belts are buckled and tightened if needed and if you have not already pulled your seats to the upright position, please do so at this time. Thank you and enjoy the flight..._ "

Carlos absentmindedly looked over at James, who was busy putting his lucky comb back into his pocket and his mirror in the compartment in front of him. Carlos wanted nothing more than to snuggle as close as he could to James, and have him wrap his arms around him and tell him that everything would be ok. But he knew he couldn't do that. Despite what he said, he knew that James was probably really mad at him for trying to leave.

James looked back at Carlos, staring at him expectantly. "Well?" James demanded.

Carlos arched an eyebrow. "Well, what?"

James rolled his eyes. "Are you coming over here or what?" James asked, opening his arm with a friendly smile. Carlos looked hesitant for a moment, wondering whether or not he even deserved to be in James' arms. James looked hurt for a moment but he quickly shrugged it off. "Carlos, I know that take-offs freak you out. So come over here!"

Carlos looked over at James sighing in both relief and defeat. Slowly, he compelled his body to inch back over to James, resting his head upon his shoulder. He grabbed a fistful of James' shirt and closed his eyes.

For the first time in a long time, he felt like he was at peace.

And in an instant, the plane was speeding down the runway and then jumping into the air. Carlos held onto James for dear life as the lift caused a painful pop in his ears. He was beginning to feel lightheaded and he rested on James' shoulder. He squeezed his eyes shut, holding his breath as he tried to will the dizziness in his head to go away. He hoped that James didn't mind; the plane taking off really _did_ scare him. He didn't know what he would do if James hadn't been on the plane with him.

James could feel Carlos' finger nails digging into his skin as the plane left the ground, but he didn't care. HIs poor buddy was feeling scared, and he wasn't about to let him down. As gently as he could, he rubbed slow and steady circles into his best friend's back, reassuring him that everything was going to be ok. He smiled a bit when he felt Carlos' grip loosen a tad.

Once they were in the air, Carlos completely let go of James, looking anxiously, almost sheepishly up at the taller boy. He tried to control the trembling in his hands as he sat up straighter.

James looked him over, trying hard to read any of Carlos' facial expressions. All he could see was uncertainty in his little brown orbs. "Are you good now?" James asked even though he already knew the answer.

Carlos nodded slowly, but he couldn't convince his eyes to look so sure. "Yeah." There was a long silence as they each waited for the other to speak. Finally, Carlos spoke, asking the question that had been dawning on him. "How did you know where I was? How did you know where to find me?"

James sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "Your dad called us and told us that you were thinking about leaving. I just thought I'd catch you before you actually _got on_ the plane."

Carlos looked down, nodding again. "I'm sorry."

James smiled. "You don't need to be sorry, buddy. We all get a bit insecure from time to time. But the minute this plane lands, we are getting on the next one back to L.A. and then we're going to-?"

Carlos shook his head. "No, I can't. I'm going to back to Minnesota."

"What do you mean _you can't_?"

Carlos tried to looked stern, but he could only manage a kicked puppy expression. "I'm _not_ going back there, James." Carlos reiterated in the best, firm, _that's- the- end- of- it_ tone of voice he could muster. He crossed his arms in a petulant, defiant manner, daring James to say he was.

By now, James was livid with his younger friend's stubbornness; he couldn't understand why Carlos was being so adamant about this. He tried his best to keep his cool and not blow up at Carlos, speaking through gritted teeth in a voice that was dangerously low. "Carloss, you are getting off of this plane and we are going back to L.A. even if I have to drag you there _myself_!" He emphasized each word carefully to be sure that the Latino understood.

But alas, his hardheaded little buddy was still not convinced, his mind was already made up. "No! Don't you get it? Gustavo's right; I'm nothing but a lunkhead, hockey playing hooligan. I don't know what I was thinking trying to be someone I'm not! I'm holding you back!"

James, who was taken aback, tried to backpedal. "Carlos-?"

Carlos cut him off when he began to speak again. "No, you know what? It's your dream to become a famous popstar! I'm not about to mess that up! I'm going to ruin the world tour if I go. I can't take that chance. I don't want you guys to hate me. Camille's right; I should just stick to what I'm good at. And that's shoveling snow and playing hockey."

By the end of his torrent, Carlos was out out of breath, staring at James as he let it all sink in. When he didn't get a word in response from the taller, stricken friend, he let out a huff and turned so he could look at out the window. James continued to stare at the back of Carlos' head, pondering everything that had been confided in him.

For once in his life, _James Diamond_ was _speechless_...

He was never good at this, coming up with the right words to say; that was always Kendall's job. But Carlos needed him now more than ever; he needed someone to guide him through his hard time and this time, that _someone_ had to be _him_.

James inched closer to Carlos, draping his long arm around the taller boy's shoulders to gain his attention. Carlos didn't even bother to look at him. "Carlos," He started after a moment, turning his shoulder and forcing the boy to face him. "This isn't just about the tour, isn it? I think it's about much, _much_ more than that."

Carlos stared up at James as if the pretty boy had a second head growing out of his neck, but his face twisted back into it's sorrow filled expression at the realization that James had figured him out. He slowly nodded again, his eyes drifting down to the airplane floor as James pressed on.

"What did we agree when we first got to the PalmWoods a year ago?"

Carlos looked puzzled. "What?"

James resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Don't you remember? What was the pact we made when we first got to L.A.?"

Carlos furrowed his eyebrows. How did James expect him to remember something he'd promised almost a year in advance? And what did that have to do with anything? He pondered, but thought that James must have had some kind of relevance to the seemingly random question. So humored the pretty boy, thinking back to the pact that they'd made.

It was their first day, and they were slowly transitioning from cold and snowy Minnesota to the hot and sunny L.A. They had just met the Jennifers for the first time and Kendall made them promise... "That we wouldn't let this get to us?" Carlos guessed after practically hearing Kendall's mini speech replaying in his head. He was hoping that his memory was serving him correctly and that he was thinking of the right pact, because if it wasn't, that would be yet another thing he messed up.

James smiled, clearly impressed. "_Exactly_! That we wouldn't let it get to us! And let me tell you something Carlos, _you_ let it get to you!"

Carlos looked indignant; he couldn't believe that James wasn't letting that fact that he got Hollywood Fever; it had been a whole year! "What? It was _one_ time!" He whined. "I got Hollywood Fever once; but that was only because the Jennifers were talking about piranhas and minnows and a whole bunch of other things that made sense at the time! And you got Hollywood Fever too! And you don't see me rubbing it in your face!"

James stared at Carlos for a moment; completely thrown off; then he chuckled, shaking his head. "'Litos, I wasn't talking about that!"

"Oh." Carlos frowned.

"What I mean is that you saw this town, and all it's famous, cool successful people and thought that you wouldn't amount- that you _couldn't_ amount." James stated, looking at Carlos solemnly. "And worst of all, you listened to the haters when all they do is bring you down. You only looked at what you thought was the bad things about yourself, but the fact is, they weren't bad things! They're what make you you!"

"No, what I _saw_ was that I wasn't cutting it here and that I was dragging you guys down. You heard what Gustavo said; he should have left me in Minnesota anyway; I'm just saving him the trouble." Carlos shrugged.

James was baffled. "Carlos, why do you keep doing that to yourself?"

"Doing what?"

"Tearing yourself down. You don't realize it, but you are so mean to yourself. Sometimes _you_ can be your own worst enemy." James said sincerely.

Carlos shrugged. "I only say it because it's true!"

"No! No it's not!" James replied sternly. "Saying that you're not cutting it in Big Time Rush? That is the furthest thing from the truth! It's so far from the truth that I can't even see it! Where is all of this coming from? Who told you that?"

Carlos' eyes widened in shock as he shook his head. "Nobody; honest!" James arched his eyebrow, giving him a knowing look. He cursed himself for not being able to lie. "Well, K-Kendall did, and L-Logan did a-and _you_ did..." Carlos stuttered out.

James shook his head in a state of denial; Carlos was his best friend- he would never in a million years intentionally tell him that he wasn't good enough to be in the band. "That's preposterous; we would _never_-?"

Carlos sighed; he'd been trying for months to suppress these feelings and thoughts and now he was speaking them... It felt kind of weird. "When Kendall was trying to help me get a date, he told me to be myself, but not too much by myself. It kind of made me think that if I acted like myself, the real me wouldn't be good enough in Kendall's eyes." Carlos confessed, feeling a tiny weight being pulled off of his shoulders.

James nodded in understanding. "I'm sure Kendall didn't mean anything by it..."

"And Logan is always calling me stupid; every chance he gets, he's calling me stupid or an idiot. I want to bring ice cream to my desert island; I'm an idiot. I think there's a ghost in the lobby; I'm stupid- he called me stupid twice on the first night alone! Stupid, stupid, stupid! That's all he ever see me as; stupid! And then there was when Kelly and Logan were talking about my helmet. I was hiding in the balcony and I heard Logan call me an idiot and Kelly agreed with him! Logan is so smart, so if he calls me stupid, it's got to be true..." Carlos admitted, his eyes beginning to brim with tears.

James' confidence was starting to falter; he hadn't realized that Carlos had been keeping all of this to himself. "Y-Yeah, well, that's Logan; he calls everybody-?" James started dumbly with a nervous chuckle, but he was once again interrupted by Carlos.

"And when we got fired by Gustavo on the first week, you called my singing was bad, and said that my helmet was stupid."

James' heart stopped. "I _said_ that?" Carlos nodded sadly, strategically keeping his gaze on the ground.

James scratched the top of his head in confusion. At first he didn't even remember saying that. Then as he thought back to the day, the events of that day became clearer in his head.

_They were fighting. They'd just gotten fired and Guitar Dude was playing that really sad music on his guitar. And Carlos tried to make everyone relax._

_"Ok!" Carlos exclaimed, jumping up from his pool chair. After he was back on his sandaled feet, he continued in his normal, optimistic voice. "Let's all just calm down and think nice, happy thoughts about kittens!" He beamed at James, who in return glared at him._

_With that, James marched up to the Latino. He remembered he wanted so badly to knock that stupid grin off his face. "You think about kittens with your bad singing and that stupid helmet!" He had yelled, shoving Carlos back onto his seat..._

He remembered it, alright. He remembered the day all too well...

He couldn't believe it! He'd only said that in a fit of _frustration_! He didn't mean it! He couldn't believe that Carlos still remembered something that he'd said almost a year ago; and even worse, he couldn't believe that it still hurt his buddy the same way it did when he said it. "I did tell you that, didn't I?" James said shamefully, his voice lacing with remorse, and although the question had been intended to be rhetorical, Carlos nodded anyway. "Why didn't you tell us that you were feeling this way?"

Carlos sighed. "I see you guys nailing everything, singing perfectly, dancing amazing, doing all sorts of things that I could never do." The thought of his friends being amazing at everything they do brought a small smile to his face. Carlos took in a deep breath, his eyes becoming downcast as he stared at the filthy plane floor. "Then I look at myself. Look at me; I always have to work twice as hard as everyone else just to look half as good as you guys and even that's not good enough. I'm constantly getting compared to you guys; I have to dance twice as hard, but I'm still not as good as Kendall. I have to try harder to be a good singer, but I'm still not as good as you. I have to study twice as hard, but I'm still not as smart as Logan. I could spend twice as long getting ready in the morning but I still can't be as pretty as you."

Carlos sniffled and James placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "Carlos, we're not all perfect as you think."

Carlos scowled at him, shrugging off his hand. He hated it whenever his friends tried to downplay their successes to make him feel better. "Yes you are; I'm the loser of the group!"

"What are you talking about? You're not a loser!"

"Oh, yeah? You're the pretty one, James. All the girls through themselves at you! Logan's so smart and he can be cool if he really wanted to! Kendall's the leader; he holds the group together!"

"Buddy..."

"What does that leave me? I'm that one short Latino dude who no one even remembers the name of. I'm that weirdo in Big Time Rush with the helmet and round cheeks who can't sing or dance to save my life! I'm the childish one! The gullible one! The stupid one! The idiot who has to where a stupid helmet everywhere because he's too stupid to protect himself!"

"Carlos, stop!" James tried once again to gain his friend's attention. But Carlos wasn't listening; he just continued to ramble on as if someone had shut off the stop talking button in his brain.

"I'm the idiot who thinks that ghosts are real and that thinking about kittens will solve all of our problems! James, I thought that _electric eels_ could power a _fridge_! I thought I could live in a box in the park! I thought that I could be a superhero! I thought that double dating was when you date two girls at once! I couldn't get a single one of those girl to like me when Kendall and Jo had me do speed dating; and did you see my competition, James?"

"No, buddy, I-?"

"Kendall said that I was a shoo in for any of the girls, and I messed it up as usual."

"And the one time I did do something right, I ruined it by knocking you down a well! And everything I touch I destroy! Remember the pencil sharpener, and that coffee machine? And what's more hilarious, I thought that not one; but _seven_ girls could love me! But who would ever love me?"

James furrowed an eyebrow when he realized who Carlos was referring to; _the Jennifers, Sasha, Stephanie, Jo, Lucy!_

James had never thought too much on Jo picking Kendall over the rest of them; he hadn't realized how much of a blow it had been to Carlos' self esteem.

"I play with my food and I date palm trees! So yeah, James, I'm the loser of the group. I'd be better off in back in Minnesota..."

All James could do was stare in awe as his usually happy, go lucky, best friend became nothing more than sniveling mass of incoherent blubbering and tears before his eyes. They'd done this to him. They were the reason that Carlos was feeling this way. After years of having it drilled into his head that he was worthless, he was finally starting to believe it. Now he had to make it right.

"Carlos, is that really what you think of yourself?" James asked. Carlos simply shrugged in response.

"Carlos, it's ok to feel a little insecure from time to time. Being humble keeps us from getting big heads. But this bashing yourself isn't healthy. You're a person, a beautiful person who has a big heart and would do anything to help his friends. You can't be mean to save your life; you don't have a mean bone in your body! Remember when I kept wrecking the dates from the contest? _YOU_ tried to tell me not to."

Carlos shrugged again. "Well, I guess that's one thing that I didn't mess up..."

"Carlos, you don't mess up everything! And those girls didn't want me because I was the pretty one, Carlos. Because I may be pretty, the face, but that day, I was the ugliest person in the world. You cared more about those girls' feelings and how they felt about me switching back and forth than I ever did! You made them fall for you; but not because you cared about what you looked like, but you made _them_ feel beautiful!"

Carlos could feel his cheeks turning a deep shade of crimson as as he thought of that day; he let James' words sink in. He looked away as a small smile spread across his cheeks. "Yeah, I guess I did."

James beamed. "And remember Sasha? You made Sasha fall for you. Because when she was acting so mean, you were the nicest, most nonjudgmental boyfriend in the world. You were willing to try anything- even shoe shopping- to make her happy! You are so sweet; and one day, you will meet an amazing girl who will make you very happy. And you will do it while being your perfect, optimistic, always smiling, super cool, sweet self!"

Carlos smiled brighter, his eyes stinging with tears as he stared up at James. "Really?" He asked, though his voice trembled a bit with emotion.

"Of course!" James ruffled his hair, chuckling a bit when Carlos giggled under the touch. "And what's all this talk about you being stupid? You've got to be one of the smartest kids I know. You took on the entire eighth grade in middle school!"

Carlos shrugged. "That doesn't make me smart; I could have gotten killed that day!"

"Yes, but you did it to help a friend. And I think that makes it the sweetest, most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done! And besides, that's not the only way you're smart Carlos! You are really good at making people feel good; whether it's making them laugh, or talking to them when they're feeling down, or just listening. You are such a people person, and people love you for it." James complimented with a big, toothy grin. "There are lots of different kinds of smart, so don't count yourself out because book smarts isn't the only kind of smart that matters!"

Carlos' blush deepened. "Really? You really think I'm smart?"

"Yes! Of course I do! I don't know why I don't say it more often!" James said shamefully. Carlos opened his mouth again, undoubtedly to say something really mean about himself again, but James beat him to the punch. "And buddy, you're not the only one who's dated a palm tree! Remember when you all had girlfriends and I was all alone? Guess who was with Palmy? Me! And you're not the only one who's done something stupid in your life; we all have; even Logan!"

Carlos thought back to all the stupid things they'd done since they got to L.A. alone. They'd all done some pretty dumb stuff that would surely have them all questioning their better judgement and sanity. But what really made him feel better was the fact that he wasn't the only one who did stupid stuff and he wasn't the only one who messed up songs and dances; they were all doing it. The fact that he didn't feel quite so alone anymore was the best feeling in the world. "Good times." He muttered through his smile.

He stared up at James with gleam in his eye, thinking back to all the times he'd had together with his friends. "So, yeah, we're not as perfect as you think we are! We all make mistakes just like you. So don't beat yourself up for them. And when you have those days where you feel like you can't do anything right- I know I have those- just try to think about the good times and remember that we love you no matter what!"

That did it. That broke the dam. Before he had a chance to compose himself, he was wrapping his arms around James' middle and resting his head on James' chest . His tears were beginning to soak James' lucky, white V Neck, but he didn't care. It didn't take long for James to wrap his arms around Carlos; who was feeling so touched with everything that James was saying that he did't even care that he was crying. For the firs time that week, the tears he was crying weren't tears of sadness; they were tears of joy.

"Thanks James," Carlos said, sniffling as he pulled back from the hug. "You're one of the best friends a guy could ask for!"

"Aww!" James beamed, melting over his younger friend's cuteness. James grinned at him, thumbing away the tears that still managed to roll passed his cheeks. "No problem, buddy! Are we cool now?"

Carlos nodded, scrubbing at his slightly moist cheeks."Yeah," Carlos said, his voice sounded so confident as he sniffed again. "Yeah, we're good."

James smiled. "Good. Now, go to sleep. You need your rest."

Carlos did what he was told, resting his head upon James' shoulder and snuggling as close as humanly possible to the older boy. James wrapped his arm around the shorter boy, resting his head onto of his. Shortly after, the sound of Carlos' light snoring signified that he was indeed out like a light.

James knew that it was going to take a lot more than a little speech to fully convince Carlos that he wasn't worthless. It was going to take a whole lot of time and patience, but he knew they would get there in time. He'd already made Carlos see some of the good in himself; he called that in itself a success! So as Carlos drifted off into a peaceful, innocent slumber, James tried to piece together in his head how he was going to get Carlos to go back to L.A. Carlos could be pretty stubborn about things when he wanted to; and convincing him that he was wrong about something would be tough.

He wondered if he could even do it...

**Well? What did you guys think? Did you hate it? Like it? Love it? Well, let me know in the review box! Or PM me, that's totally cool too!**

**That's all for now; until next time remember:  
><strong>

**Peace, Love and Happiness!**

**-BrittSmiles4BTR**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N Hey guys! I am so, so, so, ****_so_**** sorry about being away for so long! I have had pretty much the world on my plate for weeks now. I am so sorry it took so long to update again! I have had so much on my shoulders from school to getting sick to drama! I am so sick of the drama! I've been working on my stories to try to escape from all that; I just haven't had the time to actually sit down and update!**

_His neck hurt._

_That was the first thing Carlos noticed when he came through from his nap; a throbbing, stinging pain in his neck and lower back. When he tried to sit up, an overwhelming, painful throbbing jolted in his back as if he'd spent the entire night on the floor without even a mattress. That's when he realized that he was lying on something hard.__As the pain subsided in his back and neck, he looked around. He quickly came to realize that he was lying atop of a cold, metal plank. He glanced around and found that besides for the brick wall behind him, he was completely surrounded by metal bars. _

_His heart stopped inside his chest as he was hit with the shocking realization of where he was..._

_Carlos was in jail…_

_Carefully, he forced himself back to his feet. First, he tried the door of the little cell, giving it a gentle tug. When it didn't open, he tried again with some of the other bars, pulling a bit more forcefully. He was silently hoping that one of the bars would break, or even pop out of place. Unfortunately, he had no such luck; they wouldn't budge._

_Carlos wracked his brain, thinking long and hard about what he could have possibly done to land him behind bars. But try as he might to think of a reason, he couldn't find any. Carlos Garcia had never done anything bad in his life; at least not intentionally. Besides for the mooning that he and Kendall did that resulted in them getting ejected from the finals... And attacking the security guards at the audition...__Ok, Carlos wasn't perfect; he'd done _some_ bad stuff, but nothing bad enough to put him in jail._

_There was a big TV monitor right above his cell which he found highly irrelevant; people in jail don't get to watch TV. __Before he could question it, the door outside his cell was thrown open, which caused him to jump, and a man who he assumed was the police officer strolled inside. __Carlos stopped trying to pull on the bars to gaze upon the man as he strutted inside.__The man looked fairly young to be a police officer and if it weren't for his mustache he would have thought that he was his age.__The man looked up. "Well," he smirked and Carlos stared him down. His voice was dark and almost strained; he sounded like a child trying to sound like an adult. "Look who's awake! Good morning, sleepyhead!"_

_"Are you going to let me out now?" Carlos asked hopefully. _

_The older man pursed his lips, looking as if he were thinking it over. Then after a moment, his previous sneer returned to his face. "No." He answered curtly.__Carlos through his head back in frustration then watched as the man strutted over to the desk outside his cell. There, he picked up a remote control, fiddling with it as he went to go stand In front of Carlos._

_"Why am I in here? What did I do wrong?"_

_The officer chuckled. "Don't you remember? You can't do anything right! You can't sing, or dance!"_

_Carlos gave him a bewildered stare. "So you put me in jail?"_

_The officer shrugged, looking amused. "It's your dream!" He said, turning to turn the TV on. On the screen there was a stage. It wasn't occupied by anyone yet, but he could see that a massive Big Time Rush sign in the back of it. He knew his friends were about to perform, and he needed to be there with him._

_Carlos took a moment to think it over. He realized that he had been incredibly selfish just leaving his friends high and dry the way he had. Shaking his head, he gave the bars another tug. "Officer, please, you have to let me go! My friends need me to be on that stage!"_

_"I can't do that, Carlos; you'll ruin the concert if you go up there! Now hush, the shows about to start." _

_And without another word, they turned their attention to the screen._

_"__**Elevate a little higher!**__**  
><strong>__**Let's throw a party in the sky**__**  
><strong>__**And celebrate**__**  
><strong>__**Elevate until we fly yeah**__**  
><strong>__**Move, move your feet**__**  
><strong>__**Until you levitate**__**  
><strong>__**Come on let's elevate!**__"_

_Carlos was relieved that the guys seemed to be getting along just fine without him. Granted the choreography was a little different and they didn't seem to be having as much fun without him, they were making it work. __The first solo of the song was James' and as he called attention to the fans and began to sing, Carlos couldn't help by notice that his usual "James Passion" wasn't there. In fact, he looked quite nervous as he staggered forward._

_"__**Forget about your day**__**  
><strong>__**Under the Milky Way; **__**  
><strong>__**I know a place where we can go!**__"_

_Then, Logan took the spotlight, smiling as he waved to his fans._

_"__**No need to be afraid**__**  
><strong>__**Come on, I'll demonstrate**__**  
><strong>__**Take you to outer space**__**  
><strong>__**Here we go, here we go!**__"_

_As Logan sang, Carlos could hear his voice waver and crack ever so slightly. __However, when it got to his solo, they all just stopped, standing there with lost, blank looks on their faces. Then after a minute, the fans started calling his name._

_"I'm right here, guys! I'm right here!" Carlos yelled back, but alas, they couldn't hear him.__With a chuckle, the policeman shut the TV off. When he turned back to Carlos he began to plea. "See? _That's_ why you have to let me go! They need me!"_

_He shook his head. "This is what _you_ wanted, Carlos. This is what happens."_

_"Well, I don't want it anymore! I didn't think _that_ would happen! Let me out!"_

_"You put yourself in there."_

_Carlos' eyes widened.__"What? Why would I put myself in here? I thought you said you put me in here!" The policeman smiled, stepping back a bit so Carlos could see him. Then, he pulled of his hat and his mustache to reveal that he was... _Him_... The police man had been Carlos the whole time; well, at least someone that _looked_ like him. "Wait, hold up! I'm confused. What is going on?!"_

_"I am you, and you are me."_

_"What?"_

_"You put yourself in here by talking bad about yourself. You didn't want to go on stage because you thought you would wreck the concert for the guys. I'm just giving you what you wanted." Carlos hung his head in shame. "You gave up before you even tried."_

_Carlos opened his mouth to protest; to tell his freaky clone that he _did_ try, but before he could get the words to leave his throat, the door outside his cell swung open._

_"Carlos!" The boy in question looked up and was delightfully surprised to find Kendall, Logan and James bursting through the door._

_"It's good to see you guys!"_

_"Are you alright?"_

_"I'm fine, guys; now quick, help me get out of here!"_

_"Wait, how did you even get in here?" Logan asked._

_"And how are you in there and out here at the same time?" _

_Kendall questioned, pointing to Carlos and his clone in turn._

_Carlos rolled his eyes. "Long story and I'll explain later; just get me out!"_

_Kendall looked around. "Where are the keys?"_

_"Ah," Carlos' evil doppelganger sang, pulling the keys from his pocket. _

_"You mean these?" He asked with a quizzical grin. Kendall went to snatch them out of his hand, but he pulled them behind his back. "But you mustn't touch them," he warned solemnly, revealing them again. "Only Carlos can let himself out."_

_Kendall, being the most stubborn out of them, didn't listen and grabbed the keys anyway.__But the moment his fingers wrapped around the metal material, it shocked him.__Kendall let out a shriek as an electric chill surged through his body and he yanked his hand away, cradling it to his chest._

_"Kendall!" Carlos screamed in terror, gripping the bars for dear life. He couldn't believe what he had just witnessed. In an instant, Logan was inspecting his hand.__"I'm fine!" Kendall snarled, glaring at the policeman._

_"Someone's not a good listener!" the police officer taunted in a sing-song tone. "I warned you! These are _Carlos'_ keys to happiness. He's the only one who can set himself free!"_

_"Well then give them here!" Carlos pleaded sticking his arm through the bars and extending his hand so he could take them. "Give them to me!"_

_"Have you learned your lesson?"_

_"Yes, I have!" Carlos said, eagerly hopping up and down._

_"Are you done tormenting and berating yourself?"_

_"Yes, I promise! Please!" Carlos urged, wiggling his fingers. Just as the keys were mere inches from his hands, grazing his fingertips, the policeman yanked them back. The police officer smirked but dropped the key into his pocket. Carlos gasped, watching him with panic eyes. "What are you doing?!" Carlos demanded as he withdrew his hand._

_"I wouldn't want you to mess that up too, because you're stupid..." The police man said._

_"I'm stupid..." The words blurted out of Carlos' mouth before he had time to catch them._

_"Hey!" Kendall yelled, clearly outraged. He was normally the first one to blow his top. He went to go push the mean police man away as he took menacing steps forward, but was horrified to find that his hand went right through him._

_"And pathetic..."_

_"I'm pathetic..." Carlos didn't know why he had to repeat everything he said, he just a need to say it._

_"Stop it!" Logan protested._

_"Leave him alone!" James protested. They both made a move to grab him, coming to the same conclusion as Kendall as their hands passed right through him._

_"And a waste of space!"__"I'm a waste of space." Carlos hated the words that were coming out of his mouth. Even though he had said near the same things about himself a few hours prior, they felt different this time. He never really noticed how much his own words affected him._

_"What's your problem?" Logan objected, scowling at the police version of Carlos standing beside him. "You're _him_; you're _supposed_ to be building him up, not tearing him down!"_

_"I'm just following orders." Carlos' clone snickered.__"So, you're not going to let him out?"_

_"You can't just keep him in there!"_

_"No! Wait!" Their words became a jumbled mess of complaints, which the ill-tempered guard ignored anyway. Carlos watched as his only chance of freedom slipped through the door. James, Kendall and Logan tried to chase after him only to have door slammed in their faces.__James was the first one to try the door, pulling it as hard as he could before turning back to his distraught friends._

_"It's locked!"__As he three best friends began banging on the door, calling for anyone on the outside to let them out, Carlos' mind was slowly spiraling out of control. His claustrophobia was surely started getting the better of him as he imagined the bars closing in on him. The cage was getting smaller and smaller until it forced him to the wall, where he used it as support to slide down to the floor.__It was his entire fault he was in there; and now, thanks to him, his friends were stuck to. How could he have been so stupid?_

_"This is all my fault, this is all my fault!" He chanted, gripping his head._

_James took notice of his friend's newly found panicked state and walked over to the cell. "Come on, buddy, you know that's not true."_

_"I'm so stupid, I am _so_ stupid!"_

_James shook his head, gripping the bars that kept him separated from his best friend until his knuckles turned white. "Carlos! That's how you got yourself into this mess! You have to stop doing that! Stop belittling yourself!" __Carlos looked up, his eyes pooling with tears. He wanted to say, _Why not? It's the truth!_ But he remembered how awful it felt when the police officer version of himself said it. He simply stared at James and waited for him to continue. "Now don't panic, Carlos. You heard him yourself; this is your dream. If that's true, you can get yourself out of this."_

_Carlos bounced back to his feet. "How?" He inquired, walking back towards James. "He just said that those were my keys and he took them! There's no other way out of here!"_

_This time, Logan spoke upon giving up on the door. "Sure there is; we just have to think!"_

_They were silent for a moment before Kendall blurted, "I've got an idea! Carlos, close your eyes!"_

_James smiled as he caught on to what Kendall was thinking. _

_"Yeah, buddy, close your eyes!" He urged, Logan nodding in agreement._

_"Guys, this is no time for a nap!" Carlos flared with a petulant pout._

_"Just do it!" They snapped in unison. Carlos quickly complied._

_ "Now wake up. Wake up 'Litos! Come on, buddy. Wake up..."_

Carlos could feel someone shaking his shoulder; he could still hear James' voice beckoning to wake up. He let out a shriek and he sat up with a jolt when he felt the plane dip beneath him. His breathing was wild and out of control and there was sweat seeping down his face and neck as he clutched at his armrests for dear life.

He looked up at James, who wore the most relieved expression as he continued to shake his shoulder. When he was certain his friend was awake, he smiled at him. "It's time to wake up buddy! We're landing!"

Carlos bit his lip as through his arms around James' neck, sobbing into the older boy's shoulder. "Oh, James, it was awful! I was in jail and I couldn't get out! And you guys tried to do a concert without me, but you winded up having to come get me out of jail instead! Then you couldn't get me out anyway; the police guy said I had to figure it out by myself, but I couldn't…" He stopped- unable to continue, unable to look at James, unable to think, unable to breath- his eyes became misty and he struggled to hold himself together.

"It's ok, buddy," James croaked, on the verge of tears himself. "You don't have to say anymore."

Carlos shook his head and tried to continue, but anything he could force passed her throat came out as high pitched, blubbering, incoherent sounds. He dropped his head again and his shoulders quaked. He brought his hands to his face while he sobbed. James instantly pulled him closer to his chest resting his own his on top of Carlos'.

Carlos has had his share of nightmares. What do you expect, out of the group, he was the irrational, gullible, youngest. After Stephanie had haunted the PalmWoods for her low budget horror movie, he'd dreamt that a real ghost had tried to get them. After seeing James' allergic reaction to Cuda Man Spray, he had a nightmare that James was turning into a zombie.

Still, James had never heard of a dream like this before. Carlos' nightmares were normally over silly things. If anything, Logan could usually talk him through them; they'd never been so bad that they kept him up at night; or worse made him cry. He had never seen his friend so upset over a dream before in his life. It made him wish that his parents could be on the plane, because then they could console him.

James continued to rub tiny circles into his trembling friend's back and rock him back and forth. "Shhh. Its ok, 'Litos. They're just dreams. Dreams can't hurt you." Carlos' crying turned to sniffles and she buried her face into his chest. James was taken off guard, but didn't hesitate to hug him back. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, buddy! Slow down!" James cooed as he began rubbing slow, steady circles into the distressed boy's back. "Settle down, ok? It was just a dream. Remember what Logan said? They can't hurt you."

Carlos seemed to settle down long enough for James to get a tissue out of his bag. He handed it to Carlos, who took it but didn't use it.

Once the plane was on the ground and the pilot had cleared them to move, Carlos collected his stuff and exited the plane as fast as he could.

James was quick to follow. "Carlos, wait! Come on, man, let's talk!" James pleaded.

Carlos shook his head. "There's nothing to talk about, James. I'm home now and I am _not_ going back!"

James sighed but quickly dipped in front of Carlos, successfully blocking the shorter boy in his tracks. Carlos glared up at James, pursing his lips as his patience began to wear. "Come on, buddy, let's just think this over! How do you even plan on getting home?"

"I'll take a cab!" Carlos shrugged, attempting to scoot around him. James side stepped, halting him once again.

"With what money?"

"I've been saving!"

"How long have you been planning this?" James asked. Carlos looked away, unable to meet his taller friend's eyes any longer. "Carlos, how long have you been planning this?" James asked more slowly.

"Since... Since..." He sighed, deciding to just tell him. "Since they day Kendall and Gustavo made the deal and we flew out to L.A.," When he looked back at James, he had to look away, for his face was contorted into an incredibly hurt expression. "I'm sorry, James. I just knew I wasn't good enough to be in Big Time Rush!"

"Will you stop saying that?" James chided, and then stopped upon feeling something buzzing in his pocket. He quickly pulled out his phone but only glanced at it before stuffing it back in his pocket. His eyes met Carlos again. "Look," James started, sounding conflicted. "If I can't change your mind, can I at least by you a corndog before you go home?"

Carlos whined a bit to himself, looking up at the ceiling as if the answer were up there. "No, man, you don't have to-?"

"Please?" James begged, his voice already beginning to crack with desperation.

Carlos arched an eyebrow. "But you hate corndogs!"

"No, I'm just not obsessive over them like you are. I never said I didn't like them!" James said gently, draping his arm around Carlos' shoulder.

As they sat at their table, Carlos picked at his corndog. He watched as James began to eat, taking massive bites as if he hadn't eaten in days. Carlos turned up his nose as his stomach began to churn. As much as he wanted to just enjoy his favorite food, the little voice inside his head was busy ridiculing him. _Of course, go ahead and eat the stupid corndog! You _are_ obsessed with them after all. _As Carlos continued to pick at his food, James was quick to take notice of his friend's silent new attitude.

"Carlos, don't tell me you think you're fat, too!" James exclaimed, placing his own corndog down.

Carlos shook his head. "No, it's not that- I mean, I've been meaning to lose a few pounds—but I was just thinking about how you said I was obsessed with them…" he trailed off at James' hurt expression again.

"Carlos, I was just kidding about you being obsessed with corndogs. It's perfectly normal that you have a favorite food; we all do."

"I know. It's just that I was voted most likely to marry a corndog our sophomore year of high school! What's _normal_ about that?"

"When are you going to see that there's _nothing_ wrong with you?" Carlos sighed, looking down at his plate as he traced his finger around it. James exhaled deeply through his nose as his phone buzzed for the second time. Once again, he only gave a quick glance before placing his phone back on the table face down. "I'll tell you what; you don't have to eat it." Carlos managed a relieved look. "Right now," James finished, causing Carlos to look up. "You don't have to finish it now; I'll wrap it up in a napkin and you can eat it later."

Carlos smiled gratefully at James and before he knew it, they were flagging down a cab down by the airport. The ride to his house was long and quiet. Carlos refused to make any kind of conversation with James; he just stared out the window and watched the clouds go by.

Before long, they were pulling up to Carlos' house. After paying the cab driver and unloading his stuff from the trunk. Carlos stared at the house that he'd abandoned for a year. It felt so weird that he was home again; it wasn't the first time, considering that Griffin had already sent then home once but it was only for a little bit. Except now he knew that he wasn't going back to L.A. this time.

James sighed. "I'll walk you up there." He mumbled, taking Carlos' bag as he led Carlos up to the front door. Once he was there, he handed Carlos his bag, which he placed on the floor. James sighed, giving Carlos a hug. "Now, you know the number if you need anything just give me a buzz, ok?"

Carlos' eyes became watery again as he nodded up at James. Carlos sighed, using the spare key they had stored under the rug to unlock the door. With one final glance up at James, he slipped inside. Once the door was closed, Carlos dumped his bag onto the floor. "_Papi? Mami!_ I'm home!" He called. Suddenly, his own phone went off in his pocket. He sighed when he fished it out of his pocket to discover it was Kendall. He picked it up and although he was quite reluctant to answer, he did so anyway. "H-Hello?"

"_Carlos! Thank God you're alright!_"

"Kendall, I'm fine!"

"_Oh, well, pardon me for freaking out a little when we woke up and you were gone!_"

Carlos cringed, moving towards the living room, touching pictures of them and new ones that he hadn't seen before. "I left a note!"

"_That helps!_" Kendall sneered, sarcasm dripping off the words as he spoke.

"Look, I'm sorry, alright! I just couldn't handle the stress anymore."

"_Kendall, is that Carlos? Give it here!_" He could hear some shuffling in the back and he instantly knew that the phone was being switched off.

"_Carlos?_"

Carlos smiled. "Hey Logan!"

"_Carlos, are you sure there's nothing that can get you to come back home?_"

Carlos sighed, he knew that _that _question was coming; he just didn't quite know how to answer it. "I don't know." He muttered through a sigh.

"_I have something that might change your mind._"

Carlos arched an eyebrow. "What?"

"Turn around."

He did what he was told, turning around so he was facing the living room. What he saw was Logan sitting on the couch, with the phone to his ear. Kendall was sitting in his _Papi_'s chair, his guitar in hand, ready to play. Even James, who had snuck in through the backdoor, was standing behind the couch. They waved sheepishly at Carlos as his trademark, crooked smile tugged on the corners of lips. Carlos couldn't manage a wave back, or even a smile for that manner. All he could do was stand there, dumbstruck.

Logan stood up and shuffled over to him. He took Carlos by the arm, lead him over to the couch where he was forced to sit down.

"Logan, I-?"

Logan shook his head. "You don't have to talk, just listen." He instructed.

"_I don't know why you always get so insecure,_" Kendall sang, lightly strumming his guitar. "_I wish you could see what I see when you're looking in the mirror._"

As if on cue, James plopped down on the couch beside him, handing him his hand mirror. He gestured for Carlos to look into the reflective surface, which he reluctantly did. Carlos glared at his reflection and set on the table face down with a huff. Kendall exchanged worried glances with Logan, but continued to sing nonetheless.

"_And why won't you believe me when I say__  
><em>_That to me you get more AWESOME, everyday!_"

This time, James began to sing.

"_When you're looking at the magazines,_" he began, handing the boy a magazine with their picture on the cover. "_And thinking that you'll never measure up,_" He touched a finger to Carlos' picture. "_You're wrong_!"

"_'Cause you're our cover, cover boy,"__  
><em>_I think you're a superstar, yeah you are__  
><em>_Why don't you know__  
><em>_Yeah, you're so awesome that it hurts__  
><em>_It's what's underneath your skin__  
><em>_The awesomeness shines within__  
><em>_You're the only one that rocks my world__  
><em>_Our Carlitos!__  
><em>_Oh Carlitos!_"

Carlos rolled his eyes, standing up to go to his room, but a gentle hand pushed him back down. He turned to face Logan, who began to sing.

"_You walk in rain boots on a perfect summer day.__  
><em>_Somehow you always see the dark side, when everything's okay! And you wear baggy clothes that camouflage your shape, whoa!_" Logan smiled, plucking his the silky fabric of his sweatshirt. Carlos looked away as his cheeks turned from tan to a deep shade of crimson in a matter of seconds. Logan grin brightened as he threw his arm around his shoulder in a brotherly, one armed hug. "_But you know that we love you, just the way you're made,_"  
>James took his part, singing sincerely as he too draped his arm over Carlos' shoulders. "<em>When you're looking at the magazines, And thinking that you're just not good enough<em>_… __You're so wrong, buddy!_"

"_'Cause you're our cover, cover boy,__  
><em>_I think you're a superstar, yeah you are__  
><em>_Why don't you know__  
><em>_Yeah, you're so awesome that it hurts__  
><em>_It's what's underneath your skin__  
><em>_The awesomeness shines within__  
><em>_You're the only one that rocks my world__  
><em>_Our Carlitos!_"

Logan took over Carlos' solo. "_Got a heart of gold, a perfect original._" He sang boldly, pointing to Carlos' chest.

"_Wish you would stop being so hard on yourself for a while!_" James sang, eyeing Carlos sternly.

"_And when I see that face, I try a thousand ways._"

"_Yeah, I would do anything to make you smile!_" James sang with a smirk, and then he tickled Carlos under his chin, which caused him to laugh.

"_'Cause you're our cover, cover boy,__  
><em>_I think you're a superstar, yeah you are__  
><em>_Why don't you know__  
><em>_Yeah, you're so awesome that it hurts__  
><em>_It's what's underneath your skin__  
><em>_The awesomeness shines within__  
><em>_You're the only one that rocks my world__  
><em>_Our Carlitos…_"  
>As they finished the soon and Kendall had strummed the last cord, Logan and James pulled Carlos into a three person hug.<p>

Kendall set the guitar on the floor beside the chair. Then he went and sat beside them, joining in. When they released the hug, Carlos took a moment to let everything that had happened sink in.

"You guys changed the words to Cover Girl?" Carlos asked with a nervous chuckle.

Kendall nodded. "It was the only one we could think of; it related to how you were feeling perfectly!"

"It was my idea!" James boasted proudly. Kendall and Logan rolled their eyes.

"We'll, you guys didn't need to do that. Trust me; I am nothing special!"

"You see?" James asked. "That's why we needed you to here the song! You have to stop being so down on yourself!"

"I'm sorry, I can't help it!"

Yes you can! Every time you're about to say something mean about yourself, say something nice!"

"And if you ever feel like a loser again, talk to us, ok? We can't stand to see you upset!"

Carlos sighed. "Well, what do you want me to say about myself?"

Logan sputtered his lips. "Is that even a question? There are tons of things you can say about yourself. You're an amazing singing. You say it."

"What?"

"Say that you're an amazing singer."

"I'm an amazing singer."

Kendall gave him a look. "Like you mean it!" He said sternly, playfully prodding his tummy. Logan and James joined in, tickling his neck and sides.

Carlos giggled. "Ok, I'm an amazing singer!" He said, pushing Kendall's hands away.

"Big Time Rush isn't the same without you Carlos. And I'm not going back home without my smart, funny, happy, little brother!"

Carlos thought it over, thinking about everything that had been talked about. Finally, he came to his own decision. "Wait right here!" Carlos exclaimed, jumping to his feet and racing off towards the door.

Their eyes widened. "Carlos! Where are you going?" James asked.

"Carlos, don't run away again!" Kendall pleaded.

"Don't do anything stupid!" Logan yelled. They followed him, curiosity peaked. They found Carlos kneeling on the floor, rummaging through his bag for his black and shiny hockey helmet. Beaming at his friends, he placed it on his head, tapping it twice for good luck. "Let's go home," Carlos announced with a confident nod. The guys let out cheers. "But first, James, where's that corndog!"

Kendall and Logan exchanged puzzled, yet amused expressions while James ruffled his little buddy's hair.

"And if you ever feel like a loser again, talk to us, ok? We can't stand to see you upset!"

"Ok, I promise!" Carlos smiled. "I love you guys!" Carlos grinned.

Kendall smiled, his eyes becoming misty at the feeling that things were returning back to normal. He quickly wrapped his arms around him, hugging him tightly to his chest. James and Logan joined in, too. "We love you, too!"

James sighed contently. He knew that it was going to take a lot for Carlos to go back to his old self—a lot of coaching, praise and a whole lot of convincing. However, he also knew that they were best friends; brothers even. When once was happy, they were all happy, when one was sad they were all sad, when one was hurt, they all hurt—they were going to help Carlos get back to his old self. He knew that together they could get through anything. And that was all they needed…

**So, what do you think? Did you hate it? Like it? Love it? Leave a review and tell me what you think! Or PM me, that's cool, too! **

**Two last things before I leave you. **

**One, I really am very sorry. I'm sorry for leaving you so long, I want to be able to tell you that I will have more chapters and stories out sooner because I don't know if that will be true. However, I don't want you guys to worry, either. I'm not quitting FanFiction; I don't think I could ever quit FanFic, it's like my second home. **

**Two, I posted a poll on my account.**

**Well, that's all I have for now; until next time, remember:**

**Peace, Love and Happiness!**

**-BrittSmiles4BTR**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N- Sorry to disappoint you, guys, but this is only an authors note this time. Yeah, I know I said that I wasn't going to do that to you guys, (leave you hanging and then post an authors note to tell you that your going to have to wait longer) but I figured that this was kind of important.**

**You may have noticed that there are no longer reviews in the review box. That's because I started over. I deleted the original and I'm reposting it. A person left some really nasty reviews and I didn't want to have to look at them and know they're there everyday. I couldn't simply ignore it, so I deleted my story and the reviews went with it. **

**Please keep in mind that I am all for constructive criticism, however when your reviews are meant to hurt me and they have nothing to do with my story, I'm not going to tolerate it.**

**A big thank you to BigTimeRush-BTR and winterschild11 for all of your help. Your selfless act of kindness will not go unrewarded; so from this point on this story is dedicated to you too.**

**Feel free to post reviews again of you want, or don't, it's up to you. I'm editing and changing things in the story that didn't like. So if you want you can let me know what you think, it would mean a lot! **

**And don't worry, the real chapter six should be posted on a later date.**

**Well, that's all the time I have today. Until next time, remember: **

**Peace, Love, and Happiness!**

**-BrittSmiles4BTR**


	7. Chapter 7

**Well, here it is! Sorry for the long wait! When I typed that Chapter Six would be up "soon", I didn't know it would take me so long to actually get it updated! I initially wanted to get it updated later that day, but that obviously didn't happen. Things came up, I go busy, I didn't get to type.  
><strong>

**Disclaimer- I DO NOT OWN BIG TIME RUSH!**

**So here it is! Hope you enjoy!**

Chapter Six  
>Freaking Out<p>

Carlos sighed as he readjusted his tie.

It had been a pretty hectic couple of days for the guys. So crazy in fact that he oculdn't stop his mind from wondering as he struggled to prepare for the concert. He sighed as he thought back to the events that had taken place since he'd gotten home...

Carlos had- very reluctantly- returned to the Palmwood's with the guys. Carlos didn't know what to expect when they got home. _Where the Palmwoods kids going to be upset with him for leaving? Where they happy he was gone? Did they even know he was gone? _Carlos didn't know he wanted to know the answer to any of those questions.

The minute the guys set foot on the terroritory, they were bombarded with different hugs and greetings. Kids that he didn't even know were walking up to him and giving him random high fives. But what surprised him and everyone the most was when Carlos was nearly knocked over in a hug and not Logan...

"You found him! You found him!" Carlos had to drop his bags on the floor in order to catch the overly excited girl and himself from falling to the floor. Camille was quick to wrap her arms around his neck, but she pulled away as quickly as the hug started. "We were all so worried about you! Are you alright?" she asked, looking deep into his eyes. Carlos nodded. "Are you sure?"

"Camille, I'm fine!"

Camille smiled in relief and wrapped her arms around him again. "Good! And I don't ever want you to run away again!" All Carlos could do was stand there, stiff as a board as one of his best friends scolded him.

Finally, after the guys had managed to pry Camille off, she delivered one of her trademark slaps across Carlos' face.

Carlos' mouth fell open as he placed his hand to his throbbing cheek. He looked to his friends for clarification, but all they could offer were hisses of empathy and a few pats to his back. "What was that for? Are you auditioning for a role or something?"

"No! The guys told me about what happened!" She explained. "I'm so sorry!"

"So sorry that you had to go and slap me? Geez that hurt!" Carlos grumbled, still rubbing his cheek. "Why are _you_ sorry? _I'm_ the one that left and had you all worried!"

"Yeah, but you wouldn't have left if _I_ hadn't told you to give up! Carlos, why didn't you just tell me what was going on?"

"I didn't want you to tell me that I was good just because I'm your friend. I wanted yo to be honest with me."

"Carlos, if you would have just come right out and asked me if I thought you were good enough to be in Big Time Rush, do you know what I would have said?" Carlos shook his head. "I would have told you you were! And that's the honest truth! Besides, you can't let anyone tell you you're not good enough, even me. Do you understand?"

"Yeah, but-?"

"No buts!" James chimed in, coming to stand beside Camille and face Carlos. "Don't you remember when Gustavo told me that I had no talent? He said that you couldn't sing and that Logan couldn't dance? Do you remember that? But look at us now! We're in a band! Millions of girls love us!" James said with an encouraging smile.

Carlos sighed as he let the words of his friends sink in. When he didn't make any kind of response, Camille sighed. "Well, I guess I should be going." She said. "I'm glad you're back, Carlos!" She quickly gave each boy one, last hug before heading off.

The walk back to apartment 2J was long and awkward. But if he had to admit it, Carlos would tell you that he took to the newly found attention rather well and he was very happy to see his friends again, including Mama Knight, Katie and Kelly...

However, he couldn't bring himself to be that excited to see _Gustavo_...

No sooner had the boys gotten Carlos all settled in again, Kendall got a call from Gustavo telling him that he would like him and "_the dogs_" to come to Rocque Records.

But it was weird this time; instead of them going straight to dance rehearsals or the recording studio, Gustavo had them all gathered into his office. Gustavo sat at his desk as he normally did with Kelly standing behind him. The guys sat in the chairs in front of him. They strategically placed Carlos in the middle of Kendall and James, who were jump in to protect him if he needed it.

They sat there patiently, waiting for the older, portly man to finish fiddling with his pencil. However, once the man had shown no signs of ceasing the action, Kelly quickly snatched it out of his hands and then nudged him in the side. The plump man cleared his throat. "Dogs! I gathered you all today to discuss my behavior. I realize that I may have been a bit harsh on you guys-?"

"A _bit_?" Kendall interrupted hotly, slamming his hands on the table. "Gustavo, what you've been saying is completely out of line!"

"Correcting people is one thing, but being belligerent is another!" Logan defended.

"What you're doing is wrong! It's verbal abuse! It's bullying!" James chimed in.

And the three of them all simultaneously crossed their arms across their chests.

Gustavo rolled his eyes. "You can't be serious! I know I have my moments, but for the most part, I have been _very_ good with you dogs!"

Kendall scoffed. "Oh, _please_! We all know you were good to us for about a week after we ended the strike. Then you went right back to your mean, aggressive ways!"

"Yeah, so if you don't man up and apologize to Carlos and us right now, we just might have to strike again!" Logan threatened. James nodded in agreement.

Gustavo was taken aback. He really didn't want to have to deal with another _Big Time Strike!_

Gustavo looked between each of the boys and noticed that not everyone was being so verbal. Carlos was sitting silently; he had yet to even say a word since they'd sat down. Carlos was just like a statue, his eyes refusing to leave the ground, his hands were folded neatly in his lap and he sat there as still as he possibly could. Why, if Gustavo didn't know better, he would have thought that Carlos was nervous- maybe even scared...

As Gustavo continued to stare at the boy- who, Gustavo had just realized, was not wearing his helmet- he couldn't help but think that this wasn't the same Carlos. This Carlos was different- quiet, shy, keeping to himself. _What had happened to the happy go lucky kid that he'd met in Minnesota a year ago? Where was the endless ball of energy that was always bouncing off the walls? Where was the kid that always smiling about everything? Where was that kid?_ This Carlos was a complete polar opposite to the kid he'd known roughly a year ago.

Suddenly, everything started to click. _He_ was the reason that Carlos wasn't himself. _He_ had been so downgrading and so demeaning to them for so long that _he_ had caused Carlos to start to lose his spark.

"Carlos," he said in a voice that was so small and so soft that it even surprised himself. Carlos hesitantly looked up at the overweight man. Gustavo cringed as he stared into the boy's chocolate colored orbs. His eyes that were once filled with curiosity and shone with amazement and wonder were now dull, tired and helplessness. How had he not noticed what he was doing to them? "Carlos," he started again. "I'm sorry for all of the things I've done to you and the dogs. I'm sorry for yelling at you and calling you worthless. I was just so stressed about the world tour! I just wanted it to be perfect and I took it out on you!" Gustavo said sincerely, looking sheepishly between Carlos and the other boys.

Carlos sighed. "Gustavo, I understand that you want the world tour to be huge! I know that we have to work really hard to make it huge. But you yelling at me for every single thing I do wrong doesn't help me at all! You making me feel like I'll never be as good as the others doesn't make me want to work any harder! It makes me wonder why am I even here!"

"I know." Gustavo muttered.

Carlos looked between all of his other friends, who were waiting patiently for his next move. Carlos wanted nothing more to be angry with Gustavo. He wanted to yell at him, tell him off and make Gustavo feel the same way that he was feeling, but he couldn't. Carlos couldn't do that to someone else no matter how badly he thought they deserved it.

Carlos let out another sigh. "You know what? It's in the past now- there's nothing we can do to fix it- and you did say you were sorry. So... I forgive you." Carlos nodded confidently at his friends.

"Y-You do?" Gustavo asked. Carlos nodded. "Wow, that's really nice of you!"

"I'm willing to put it behind us if you are!" Carlos said.

"Yeah," Kendall interjected just as long as you try trusting us instead of yelling at us for a change." Kendall said, and he stood up so he could point an accusing finger at the stout man.

The man in question nodded vigorously, eyes going wide behind his bug-eyed sunglasses. Kelly smiled proudly at them, giving Carlos a nod of approval.

Even though Gustavo was extra careful about the things he was saying to Carlos, Carlos couldn't help but wonder if it was just because Kelly had a baseball bat stashed somewhere just waiting to smash one of his awards if he insulted Carlos.

"All right! Enough of this sissy, sappy stuff! We have a concert to get ready for! Get your doggy butts to the dance studio, _now_!" the boys looked at him sternly and he shrunk back in his seat. "Please?" He offered and although they rolled their eyes, the obliged.

Carlos was practically on fire at rehersals! Everything they through at him, Carlos nailed it. He danced like he never danced before- his moves were flawless and clean as if he'd known this choreography for years- he'd even impressed Mr. X! Mr. X left that day feeling proud of himself, but not before commenting to Carlos' dancing was rather _'X-celent'_!

Then, after a day of ruthless and brutal practice, they guys returned back to their humble abode and relaxed. They began reflecting on everything that had been happening to them and before long, Carlos had tuckered himself out and fell asleep on the orange couch beside James.

He woke up that morning in his own bed. The room was empty, so he assumed that everyone was already eating breakfast.

He didn't remember how he'd gotten in his bed. The furthest back he remembered that pertained

He quickly rolled out of bed and trudged down the hallway that lead to the kitchen. Suddenly, the voices speaking around the corner

"_Good morning, James_!" He heard Kendall proclaim. "_Where's Carlos?_"

"_He's probably still asleep!_" James answered.

There was a log pause and just as Carlos was going to enter the kitchen, he heard Kendall sigh in relief.

"_Good, Logan's here too!_"

"_Y-Yeah, I'm here."_ Logan said hesitantly. "_What's up?_"

"_Just sit down and listen._" Carlos strained his ears and could barely hear some shuffling feet and then Kendall sighing again.

"_We need to talk about Carlos._"

Carlos felt a pang in his heart. He hated it when people talked about him behind his back. He tried to ignore the hurt he was feeling and listened.

"_Why?_" James asked.

"_Have you seen him? He's been sad and so down on himself. He doesn't have the confidence that he has before!_"

"_I'm worried about him, you guys! He's really starting to scare me with the way he's been talking about himself. I never thought that anyone like Carlos could think so negatively about himself._"

"_I don't know where he gets it from! He wasn't like that when he first got here!_"

"_Guys, we did this to him! He gets it from us!_"

"_What do you mean?_"

"_It's the things we say to him, you guys! That's why he thinks that he's worthless!"_

"That's ridiculous!" Kendall argued. "_We would never tell him he's worthless!_"

"_I know we don't, but we do tell him other things that might make him feel bad about himself. I mean, you tell him he's stupid all the time! Logan, he thinks you're one of the smartest people in the world! Didn't you ever think that one day, he's going to believe you?_"

"_I never thought of that... I didn't mean it that way; I just meant it like silly..._"

"_Well, Logan's not the only one who makes him feel bad, Mr. I'm-The- Pretty-One!"_

"_What are you talking about?_"

"_You're always rubbing it in all of our faces that you're the pretty one!_"

"_Oh, my gosh; you're right! No wonder why he doesn't think he's good looking; he thinks that he'll never amount to me!_"

"_And the way Gustavo's been down his throat about everything he does... He must feel terrible._"

"_We've really got to watch what he say in front of Carlos!_" Carlos pressed himself against the wall, he couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't stand to here his friends beat themselves up over it. He knew they didn't mean to make him fell badly. _Why do I have to be so stupid!_

Carlos sighed as he went to return to the room he shared with James; his appetite was completely diminished.

Carlos stared at the mirror, trying his hardest to remember how to tie his tie. However; he found it hard to focus on the task at hand when all he could think about was how badly he was making everyone feel. The knock on the door jolted him from his thoughts.

"_Carlitos?_" He could hear Logan's muffled voice from the other side of the door. "_Come on, buddy! We're going to be late for sound check!_"

Carlos groaned. _Great, Logan's going to think that I'm so stupid that I can't even put on a tie!_ "Don't come in yet, Logan!" Carlos hollered back, giving his tie another tug. "I-I'm not ready!"

He heard Logan scoff and before he had time react, the doorknob was jiggling and the door was being thrust open. "Come on, Carlos, we need to be ready to go!" Logan urged. When his eyes finally met Carlos' he winced; his best friend looked utterly terrible. His hair was uncombed, the bottom half his shirt wasn't button; but that was good because those things could be fixed. What really set him over the top were his eyes; he'd never seen his best friend's orbs so full of panic and stress before. Instinctively, he tried to calm him down. "Hey, what's wrong with you?"

Carlos sighed and he stopped fiddling with his tie so he could turn and talk to Logan. "I don't-?"

He was cut off when Kendall and James barged in through the open door. "What's the hold up in here?" Kendall demanded; the two older boys seemed to go through the same mental process that Logan had just moments before. They both stared at Carlos through worried eyes. "Carlos, are you ok?"

"Yeah, we're fine." Logan said nonchalantly, though they could sense Logan's voice wavering ever so slightly due to emotion. "Listen, why don't you guys go down the car and we'll come in a bit."

"Is everything ok?" James asked skeptically.

"Yup, I just wanted to have a little chat with Carlos." Logan mumbled reassuringly, draping a comforting arm around Carlos' shoulders.

"Ok." Kendall said, taking James' by the shoulder. "Just call us if you need anything." When Logan nodded in understanding, he guided James out of the room and then directed him into the hallway, but not before shutting the door behind them.

Logan and Carlos waited patiently, holding their breath so they could hear the sound of their footsteps proceeding down the hall. It was very faint, but they could barely hear the sound of the front door. When Logan was certain that the other two were gone, he sat down on Carlos' bed, gesturing for the younger boy to join him. When he did, he, himself, began adjusting the thin, narrow material around the little Latino's neck. "What's on your mind, 'Litos?"

"I'm not feeling too well, Logie." Carlos muttered. "My tummy feels funny." Carlos moaned, gripping his aching abdomen. "I don't think sound check's a good idea."

Logan's mind instantly went into panic mode and his doctor- like instincts were starting to kick in. "Queasy funny or achy funny?"

Carlos crunched up his face in uncertantly. "Weird funny; it's like that feeling I get before I take a test."

Logan breathed in relief. "Oh, buddy. Those are just butterflies; it just means your nervous is all."

"I've never gotten those before!"

_You've never doubted yourself before.._. Logan thought worriedly, but he masked his concern well because Carlos didn't even seem to notice. "It happens to all of us at some point in our lives."

"Well I don't like it," Carlos said petulantly, crossing his arms as if he were a small child refusing to eat his vegetables. "I don't want to do a concert feeling like this!" Carlos said sternly, kicking off his shoes and scooting back onto his bed with his nose in the air. Logan thought that it made Carlos look even younger than he already was when he did that and his pout was more cute than intimating, but Logan didn't dare tell Carlos that.

Logan sighed, patting Carlos' knee to gain the boy's attention. "Oh, come on, buddy! You can't bail out of this now, bud. Think of the fans- _hundreds and hundreds of fans_- all waiting to see you. You don't want to let them down, do you?"

Logan was trying to encourage Carlos; he was trying to boost his spirits. What he didn't know was that he was actually fueling the anxiety that Carlos was feeling.

Carlos' breath hitched; he hadn't even thought about the fans and how they would feel! _What if he messed up on stage? What if they hated him for messing up the concert? What if they made fun of him or booed him? What if he got booed off the stage?_

All of the negative thoughts that he had tried so hard to suppress all came flooding back to his brain all at once! It was overwhelming and he was struggling to keep himself at bay. It didn't work; he started shaking his head vigorously. "No- I can't- I'm not- I just- I-?"

Logan looked down at him in confusion- Carlos was making no sense; he was speaking in incoherent fragments and he was getting himself so worked up that he couldn't even understand what he was saying. "What are you talking about Carlos?"

His throat suddenly became very tight. His breathing was becoming more labored by the second but he couldn't understand why. His trembling hands yanked at the tie around his neck. "I'm not going out there, Logan! I can't! _I can't!_ Get this tie off of me, Logan!"

"Now, Carlos. Don't get yourself all worked up. Just calm down."

Carlos shook his head again, practically clawing at his neck. The only rational thought running through his mind was getting that accursed tie off of him. "Get it off me, Logan! Get it off! Get it off!" Carlos yelled.

Logan's eyes widened. Never in all of his life had he ever seen anyone look so scared. Carlos' eyes were wide, his breathing was erratic, his heart was probably going haywayer.

This wasn't Carlos. Carlos would never work himself up like this over a concert. He didn't know why any of his was happening. He could understand why Carlos was suddenly so afraid of messing up. Carlos was almost never nervous, but on the off occassions that he feel get nervous, he'd find some way to channel out his nerves or spun them into something positive. He wasn't quite sure of what to do at this moment. But there was one thing that he knew for sure...

Carlos was going to have a panic attack...

Every fiber in Logan's being was telling him to call James and Kendall, get back their as soon as possible and have them help console Carlos, but he didn't know if that would help. Logan quickly grabbed Carlos' hands as they began to claw at himself, pinning them to his chest as he forced Carlos back down on his bed. "Carlos? _Carlos_! Stop! Ok, just calm down! _Relax_!"

"I _can't_!" Carlos sobbed. "I'm _trying_ but I _can't_!" Carlos writhed in his grip, thrashing and struggling to free himself from Logan's surprising, iron grip. Carlos had no idea what was happening to him; all he knew was that he couldn't breath, he couldn't think straight and Logan's hands on him wasn't doing him any favors. Still Logan refused to let go; his only priority was getting Carlos to settle down.

Once he had managed to calm Carlos down to the point that his breathing was no longer out of control, he quickly examined him. "You ok?"

Carlos nodded breathlessly. "Yeah. I'm ok."

"Ok, want to tell me what that was all about?"

Carlos heaved a heavy sigh. "I'm sorry; I just don't wan to go on stage."

"Why not? We've been doing this for almost a year now! Why are you so nervous all of a sudden?" Logan inquired. Carlos looked away. "Carlos, do you not remember what you were like in practice yesterday? You were _amazing_- no- better than amazing; you were _flawless_! What's the problem?"

"I don't want to mess up on stage!"

"Why are you so afraid of messing up? It's just a concert!"

"No it's not! This is only the biggest concert our lives! It's the kick start to our very first world tour! I don't want to jepardize any chances we have that it's a hit! I don't want you guys to hate me!"

"We all make mistakes; every single one of us! We don't hate each other when he make mistakes. So why would we hate you?"

"But Logan, I-?"

"Things go wrong at concerts sometimes." Logan continued as if Carlos hadn't spoken. "We can't help it, things just happen. We can't expect everything and everyone to be be perfect; it never, ever works out that way. But you know what we do about it? We go out there and have the time our lives and not worry when things go wrong. It happens!"

Carlos glared at Logan; he was sick of everyone down playing his mistakes to make him feel better. "So you're telling me that if I went out there and I was my absolute worst- I mess up all my solos and screw up the dances and trip and fall and spin into you guys, the whole nine yards- you guys wouldn't hate me at all?"

"NO! We could never hate you! Why would you ever think that we would hate you?"

"Because you always tell us that you've got to find new friends; I just always assumed that you'd start with me..." Carlos trailed off, picking at the soft, cottony material of his bedsheets.

Logan felt a pain in his heart. "Carlos, never in a _million, billion, trillion_ years could I ever hate you! You're one my best friends!" Logan's voice cracked with emotion but he didn't care. He quickly swiped a hand across his face to rid him of the moisture and wrapped his arms around his youngest friend, holding him close as he rubbed slow, steady circles in to his back. Logan hoped more than anything that what he was doing was soothing to Carlos. It seemed to be confirmed when Carlos' stiff shoulders began to relax.

When he released the hug, he was relieved to find that Carlos was looking a little better. The color in his face as begining to return as well as the smile "Thanks, Logan, I really needed that." Carlos said appreciatively.

"Anytime, bro, anytime." Logan replied sincerely. "Now, let's go rock that concert!"

"Yeah, ok," Carlos mumbled, trudging out of the room. Logan watched him leave; he couldn't help but feel sad; he missed how excited Carlos used to get before they had a concert.

Logan knew that Carlos still wasn't completely conviced, but he didn't want to argue with him. He knew from past experience that situations like this did take time for them to heal. It took a great deal of time to regain that confidence and to rebuild that self esteem. But Logan had a plan to help Carlos feel like his old self again. All he had to do was get Carlos on the stage so he could see just how much people loved him...

However, the doctor- to- be also knew that it was easier said than done...

**Uh-oh! Cliffhanger! Don't worry, there definitely will be a Chapter Seven! I promise. I just ended it there so I could have something to give you before I went away. I just wanted to let you all know that I'm going to be gone for a while. I'm going on Vacation next week, so this week will be jam packed with getting ready to go. So, unless I have Free Wi-Fi, you won't be hearing from me for at least three weeks. Just wanted to give you a heads up before I leave you high and dry, here!**

**Since I won't be seeing you guys for a while, have an awesome Halloween!**

**Well, that's all for now; until next time remember:  
>Peace, Love and Happiness!<strong>

**-BrittSmiles4BTR**


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